Audrey’s Comments (group member since Oct 29, 2012)

Audrey’s comments from the Scribblers' Haven group.

Hi Ethan,

I just read through all your book-posts and I think you have something going here. I very much enjoyed the start to your story. Rather than meandering about, you jumped right into the action and caught the reader's attention. The plotline has a lot of potential as well I think, and your grammar is quite good.

However, something you could improve on is your descriptive writing style. Daeran wakes up, walks out, gets on his bike, does his homework, etc. Right now, the reader is like the cop looking at a surveillance camera, you watch someone going through the motions of life from afar. Try to write more from his point of view. So for instance, when he wakes in the school, what do his senses tell him? Is he covered in sweat or soot? Can he smell fire, see the destruction, hear the creaking of the ruined building. Do his muscles hurt or is he nauseaus? Is he scared, terrified maybe? just to give you a couple of hints as to what a person might reasonably feel in a situation like that. By not describing these things, your character can come off as aloof.

I hope my tips help you some in the future. Keep writing!

Thanks for the warm welcome guys. As for NanoWrimo, I'll try, is all I'm saying. I've done it (and won it) the previous two years, but this year everything is pretty much against me. Several huge school assignments, and a weekend away right at the start AND the end of NanoWrimo...we'll see how it goes. Definitely giving it a damn good try.

Hi, I'm Audrey, I'm 23 and a student. Have long had an interest in writing. Used to do a lot of fanfiction when I was younger, then absolute tonnes of RP with a friend.

Seeing as how the RP'ing has died down a bit, and I have recently picked up reading more and want to pick up my writing as well, perhaps in an attempt to make that long cherished dream of a published book come true.