Lucinda’s Comments (group member since Mar 25, 2013)

Lucinda’s comments from the Ask Lucinda Rosenfeld - Friday, March 29th! group.

Thanks, Rachel! That's interesting that Lena Dunham said that in an interview. I wonder if she's read I'm So Happy for You! I tend to feel the same way--that a lot of the friendships depicted in TV/film are unrealistically free of tension. Also, I think there is this misconception that women/girls sit around talking about men and that that is the source of all excitement/upset/controversy. In my experience, the friendship itself is usually the source of most of the drama!

Thanks to you and others for following this q&a today. It's been fun! And if you like my books, will you post a nice review (or two) on amazon? :)

Regards, Lucinda

This is one of those unanswerable questions that I don't dare propose an answer to (for fear of offending anyone with a prostate)!! Though I do appreciate you participating in my goodreads author Q&A. :)

Miriam wrote: "Has being a mom to daughters made you see sisterhood in a different way? Could you have written this book if you didn't have daughters?"

I was amazed by JUST HOW competitive my daughters were from the get-go. My younger daughter was no more than one-years-old when she began trying to steal out of the hand literally any toy or game or object that her big sister was playing with. I had always assumed that the competitiveness I experienced with my older sisters had something to do with our particular family dynamic. But now I see that it's larger than that. It's really primal. As a result, I sort of bend over backwards trying to show my two daughters an equal amount of attention and also trying to give them an equal chance to speak. I remember, as a child, feeling as if I never got a word in at the dinner table! I've also been amazed to discover that the very technique I adopted to gain attention----namely, to become "the funny one"--has been similarly taken up by my younger daughter (who is about to turn 5). Naturally, most of her jokes have to do with bathrooms and butts, but they work! She can get a whole room full of older children giggling uproariously. . . .

Rachel wrote: "Hello,
I have noticed with a common theme of some of your books. You write about the close bond between friends and families that includes a dark side of competition and criticism. What inspire..."

Hi Rachel. Thanks for your question. You're right--I do have a tendency to highlight the darker side of relationships between women. The irony is that I have very close relationships with my female friends (and, give or take a few bumps in the road, my sisters)! However, over the years, I've also had some friendships that turned extremely toxic. I suppose I felt wounded by those events and also fascinated by how the intimacy we shared could be erased so quickly and seemingly for no reason. More generally, i became interested in how female-to-female non-romantic relationships, whether between friends colleagues or sisters, seemed to have a logic of their own and an intensity that wasn't often talked or written about. Most portraits of sisters or female friends tend to highlight the bonding aspects. Which is fine. But it seems to me there are often less attractive dynamics at work in those relationships, as well. Envy and competition can play as large a role as camaraderie and solace seeking. There also tends to be an obsession with loyalty, with tiny slights perceived at every turn. I hope that helps explain where I'm coming from! Lucinda