“There are fleeting visions of our ex having a wonderful time without us, laughing at how much we held them back whilst they mess around with multiple partners who are all far superior lovers than we ever were. Terrible thoughts. Painful. Wait, I have an idea! Let’s drown those horrific feelings in floods of booze and bury them beneath mountains of drugs immediately! That should show them! Yay! Of course, this is akin to shoving fistfuls of cotton wool into an open wound in hopes that it will stop the bleeding. It may work for a little while, but ultimately, you are going to end up with a severe infection, and you will die.”