“EXERCISE 22-3: NOT GETTING OR LOSING YOUR ERECTION You are to do two things: reenact your old erection problem and handle it differently than you usually did. If your problem was that you did not get an erection while your partner stimulated you, then have her stimulate you and see to it that you don’t get an erection. If your problem was getting soft during intercourse, then have intercourse and make your erection go away. Whatever the old problem, re-create it. There are many ways to not get or to lose an erection. Distracting yourself from the pleasurable stimulation by worrying about a myriad of things can help—anything from whether you’ll get or keep hard, to whether the kids are listening, to how much money the IRS will want from you this year—is probably the best way. After you’ve managed not to get hard or to lose your erection, deal with the situation in ways that are enhancing to both you and your partner. Acknowledge what’s happened but don’t apologize. Instead, offer something that sounds good. Here is an example: “I don’t think I can get hard again, but I’d love to love you. Anything interest you?” When the two of you agree on something, do it. It can be sexual or not. The only important thing is that you both feel good about yourselves, each other, and what you do. Repeat this exercise as many times as necessary for you to feel comfortable about losing”