“There’s wanting to be a guy,” I said. “And there’s not wanting to be a woman. And there’s actually feeling yourself to be a guy, or someone who’s not a woman. They’re all really different, and complicated. Especially when you feel yourself to be a guy, but don’t want to be one. Or when you feel yourself to be one, but you don’t know it, and you don’t even know why you always feel like you’re pretending.” “Which one were you?” “I was the last one. Of course.” “I can’t even imagine what it’s like,” she said. “I used to want so much not to be a woman. But I can’t imagine not being one.”