“Specifically, I cherished a romantic impulse towards death, yet at the same time I
required a strictly classical body as its vehicle; a peculiar sense of destiny made me
believe that the reason why my romantic impulse towards death remained unfulfilled
in reality was the immensely simple fact that I lacked the necessary physical qualifications.
A powerful, tragic frame and sculpturesque muscles were indispensable in
a romantically noble death. Any confrontation between weak, flabby flesh and death
seemed to me absurdly inappropriate. Longing at eighteen for an early demise, I felt
myself unfitted for it. I lacked, in short, the muscles suitable for a dramatic death.
And it deeply offended my romantic pride that it should be this unsuitability that
had permitted me to survive the war.”