“I just know that loss is the worst kind of pain, and it took me a really long time to stop punishing myself. People saying, “It’s not your fault” doesn’t even make a mark on how much guilt you feel for something over which you had no control. What if I had been in the car and she had been sitting in a different seat, what if it had been raining and the trip had been cancelled, what if I’d surprised her with our own weekend away… I just know one thing: no one, not a single soul, could ever have talked me out of those feelings. I just needed to ride them, I needed to be consumed by them, endure them, and then one day wake up and feel sad, so painfully sad that I didn’t want to live anymore – but not guilty.”