“Monogamy can buffer us from our own personal insecurities. These may or may not be attachment based, but can be rooted in relational or cultural traumas and anxieties about our achievements, looks, intellectual abilities, likability, etc. When we commit to a longterm monogamous partnership or get married, these insecurities may still show up now and again, but many of them get eclipsed by the very fact that we have someone who has devoted themselves to us, someone who we think will love us and stay with us no matter how pimply our butt gets, no matter how much our body changes or no matter how stained and worn-out our underwear becomes. In such cases our self-esteem and sense of self-worth are contingent upon our partner being monogamously committed to us instead of anchored in our own internal sense of self-worth, self-love and self esteem.”