“In Beachcomber’s hilarious columns about the Apostropher Royal in The Express, a certain perversely comforting law is often reiterated: the Law of Conservation of Apostrophes. A heresy since the 13th century, this law states that a balance exists in nature:

'For every apostrophe omitted from an it’s, there is an extra one put into an its.’

Thus the number of apostrophes in circulation remains constant, even if this means we have double the reason to go and bang our heads against a wall.”