“I grew up with a strong desire for invisibility. In large part, this was due to the ever-present feeling that I was failing at performing my gender. The whole boy thing was just so exhausting, and I never felt like I got it quite right. I was always on the verge of being exposed as unmanly, and I had no idea how to avoid it. Failing at boy-ness was an unforgivable sin, so my only hope was to not be noticed. Each new encounter with another human being could be the one where I slip up and have my cover blown, and be punished, possibly with violence. [footnote: It was generally agreed that, even if you didn't approve of violence, effeminate boys were "just asking to get beat up," and bore at least some of the responsiblity when it happened.”