“Moments I won't forget: When I experienced myself not only as loved but as deserving of it. That's what happiness does, doesn't it? Makes us feel deserving. I recall feeling this way in the mountains of Catalonia, where you'd driven me to visit your grandmother. She lived in a stone hut with wooden floors. She only spoke French and Catalonian. I tried to use what little French I'd learned from the old man to communicate to her that I'd enjoyed her duck confit and her homemade jam. You were her only grandchild, the last of what was left of her son. I could feel how precious you were to her and how much it meant for you to bring me here. We couldn't make love at your grandmother's house. I fell asleep on your chest and drooled over your black t-shirt. And you wore that shirt all day, marks of me all over it. 'It's just you,' you said, shrugging it off as we drove up to a valley for a hike. You photographed me seated on a rock on top of the mountain where you'd scattered your father's remains. We walked past fields with wild horses grazing in the mist, and you allowed me to invent a story about us, there, quietly in my head. That was the moment I was sure. Love is not always an outward expression, sometimes it is, as it was between us, a silent affirmation, a sense of purpose, a feeling of calm.
I promised to complete my first book in the mountains of Catalonia. I promised to come back, but I never did.”