“When I'm running, there's always this split second when the pain is ripping through me and I can hardly breathe and all I see is colour and blur - and in that split second, right as the pain crests, and becomes too much, there's a whiteness going through me, I see something to my left, a flicker of colour (auburn hair, burning, a crown of leaves)-and I know then, too, that if I only turn my head he'll be there, laughing, watching me, holding out his arms.”