“But beneath it all loitered that gnawing doubt that Hitchens had inadvertently sewn within me: that tenacious desire for something beyond materialism, a desire that was sometimes nothing more than a whisper and sometimes a gripping, consuming yen that had eclipsed all else and compelled one to seek all manner of earthly pleasures in futilely trying to satiate it. Could this be the last thing, The Thing That Would Make Everything Okay Forever, as I'd later write?”