“I’m not sure where God and I will end up, but I know that I only want to be friends with God if God is . . . different than I’ve been taught. If I come back to God after all this and find that God is a kinder, more loving presence than the one I’ve known, great. And if God is more loving than I’ve been taught, then I think God would be okay with me needing some time to untangle this. I think God would want me to feel a shred of happiness. That is the impression I’m getting from all this prayer and meditation. And for once, I’m going to trust myself and my feelings.”