“Despite my wretched command of the Spanish language, I understand sexo. But even if I were in the mood to, y’know, cheat on my wife and illegally solicit cheap sex from a New Wave midget in a pitch-black alleyway in the murder capitol of the goddamn world, this winsome lass wouldn’t be my first choice. She looks like eight miles of bad road, stuffed into four and a half feet of permanent intravenous antibiotic regimen.”