“For those of you with partners who aren’t yet experienced in the art of communicating, you’ll want to take preventative measures. Before saying “I think you don’t care about me and I feel sad about that,” consider prefacing your statement with: “I’m going to share my perspective and experience. I’m not saying you have to agree with my reasons for it—I’ll be open to discussing those. However, I do firmly ask that you respect my feelings—don’t tell me how I should or shouldn’t feel.” The Gottman Institute refers to this method as a soft startup. Essentially, it’s a technique that prepares your partner for what you’re about to say instead of laying it on them with no warning. A soft startup can remove the shock factor and make it easier for your partner to hear what”