“Let me explain: the pleasure came precisely from being too clearly aware of your own degradation; from the feeling of having gone to the uttermost limits; that it was vile, but it could not have been otherwise; that you could not escape, you could never make your-self into a different person; that even if enough faith and time remained for you to make yourself into some-thing different, you probably wouldn't want to change yourself; and even if you did want to, you wouldn't do
anything because, after all, perhaps it wasn't worth while to change. But finally, and chiefly, all this proceeded from the normal basic laws of intellectual activity and the inertia directly resulting from these laws, and conse-quently not only wouldn't you change yourself, you wouldn't even do anything at all. For example, it turns out in consequence of intensified awareness that it seems to be some kind of consolation to a scoundrel to feel fully conscious that he really is a scoundrel. But that's enough .. Ach, I've talked a lot, but what have I explained? How can this pleasure be accounted for? But I will explain myself. I'll go on to the end. That's why I took up my pen...”