“Have you ever run twenty miles without stopping? Ever done it in the summer? Yeah, me too. And without all the sordid details, running clothes (including underwear) get funky. That about captures it: funky. Crusty is excessive, but not by much. When I run, I don’t perspire or glow or any of that happy horseshit women are supposed to imply politely over lemonade after tennis. Nope. I sweat like an obese Bavarian trombone player. I sweat and my underwear gets nasty and my socks smell like a North Jersey mafia hit. I often have dried snot on the left shoulder of my shirts and dried chocolate in the hollow cups of my sports bra.”