“I didn’t want words. But there certainly was something that I wanted.
And they were definitely not things like to understand each other, to get along with each other, to want to talk to each other, and to stay together. I didn’t want to be understood. I was aware that I wasn’t understood and I didn’t think I wanted to be understood. What I wanted was something more cruel and harsh. I wanted to understand. I want to understand. I want to know. I want to know and be relieved. I want to gain peace of mind. Because I was terrified of things I didn’t understand. To want to completely understand everything was a self-righteous, dictatorial, and arrogant wish. It was absolutely wretched and repulsive. I couldn’t help but be disgusted at myself for having such a desire.”