Sarah > Sarah's Quotes

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#1

“Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)”
― James Patterson, Angel

tags: angel, humor, max, maximum-ride, maxride

175 likes

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#2

“Fang, fang. I love you. I looooove you. I love you thiiiiiiiiiis much!”
― James Patterson

tags: maximum-ride

222 likes

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#3

“Then, Holden, the little Fang gang kid, came out of nowhere with an apparent death wish. He raced directly toward the maniac with the gun shrieking something that sounded like " I am Starfishhh!”
― James Patterson

tags: crazy, death-wish, fuuny, maximum-ride, starfishhh

86 likes

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#4

“Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
"Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.”
― Cassandra Clare

tags: humor, jace-wayland, simon-lewis

13662 likes

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#5

“Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?" Harry interrupted again.
"So he can sneak up on people," said Ron. "Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking...”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

tags: death, humor, sarcasm

9392 likes

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#6

“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
― Lewis Carroll

tags: alice, humor, inspirational, philosophy-of-life, psychological, yesterday

17418 likes

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#7

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
― W.C. Fields

7412 likes

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#8

“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.”
― Stephen King, Storm of the Century

tags: god, humor, religion

7982 likes

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#9

“Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?" asked Jace.
"It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath."
"As soon as I’m back on my feet, handsome," said Simon.
"I knew we should have left you a rat.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: bath, clary-fray, humor, jace-wayland, simon-lewis

8202 likes

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#10

“Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”
― Dr. Seuss

6639 likes

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#11

“Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

tags: humor

6007 likes

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#12

“So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books.”
― Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

tags: books, humor, television

6848 likes

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#13

“Mom says it's because she has PMS.
Do you even know what that means?
"I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

tags: humor

4975 likes

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#14

“The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

tags: flight, flying, hg2g, humor

4989 likes

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#15

“You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

tags: humor

5619 likes

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#16

“Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?"
"Yes."
"You called her a liar?"
"Yes."
"You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?"
"Yes."
"Have a biscuit, Potter.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

10514 likes

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#17

“Don't talk to me."
"Why not?"
"Because I want to fix that in my memory for ever. Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret...”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

tags: ferret-malfoy, harry-potter, humor, ron-weasley

5221 likes

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#18

“Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn't make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie. (Jace Wayland)”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: city-of-bones, humor, jace-wayland

4409 likes

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#19

“Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.”
― Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, Don Quixote

tags: books, humor, reading

4410 likes

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#20

“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading

3621 likes

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#21

“Why are they all staring?" demanded Albus as he and Rose craned around to look at the other students.
"Don’t let it worry you," said Ron. "It’s me. I’m extremely famous.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

tags: albus-potter, fame, harry-potter, humor, ron-weasley

5018 likes

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#22

“So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?"
"You could say that."
"Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it."
"I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever.”
― Cassandra Clare

tags: humor

3351 likes

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#23

“People, generally, suck.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

tags: humor

2437 likes

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#24

“Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

tags: humor, trees

3572 likes

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#25

“Ginny!" said Mr. Weasley, flabbergasted. "Haven't I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain?”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

tags: humor, trust

2894 likes

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#26

“Jace shook his blond head in exasperation.
"You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

tags: humor, jace

2855 likes

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#27

“Why were you lurking under our window?"
"Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?"
"Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice.
His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage.
"Listening to the news! Again?"
"Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

tags: dursley, harry-potter, humor, news, sarcasm

3715 likes

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#28

“I don't want tea," said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them."
"Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: clary-fray, hodge, humor, revenge, sarcasm, tea

3100 likes

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#29

“Dreams like a podcast,
Downloading truth in my ears.
They tell me cool stuff."
"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
"A god named Fred?”
― Rick Riordan

tags: apollo, fred, haiku, humor, percy-jackson, poem

3299 likes

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#30

“Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.”
― Stephenie Meyer, Breaking Dawn

tags: breaking, dawn, humor, jacob, mirror, rosalie

1866 likes

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