Kenia > Kenia's Quotes

“I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
― Jon Stewart

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
― Jon Stewart

“Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.”
― Jon Stewart

“You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.”
― Jon Stewart

“If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.”
― Jon Stewart

“If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?”
― Jon Stewart

“If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.”
― Jon Stewart

“Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.”
― Jon Stewart

“The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.”
― Jon Stewart

“In fourteen hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Now, some have argued Columbus actually discovered the West Indies, or that Norsemen had discovered America centuries earlier, or that you really can't get credit for discovering a land already populated by indigenous people with a developed civilization. Those people are communists. Columbus discovered America.”
― Jon Stewart

“The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.”
― Jon Stewart

“Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.”
― Jon Stewart