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#1

“Don’t walk in front of me… I may not follow
Don’t walk behind me… I may not lead
Walk beside me… just be my friend”
― Albert Camus

tags: attributed-no-source, friends, friendship, misattributed-albert-camus

93619 likes

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#2

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: friends, humor, jail

10185 likes

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#3

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing

32153 likes

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#4

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
― Paul Terry

tags: exercise, humor, laziness, misattributed-to-hutchins

24396 likes

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#5

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading, television

23106 likes

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#6

“I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
― Woody Allen

tags: death, fear, humor, life

25649 likes

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#7

“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

tags: humor

10165 likes

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#8

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor, politics

9109 likes

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#9

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
― Anthony G. Oettinger

tags: humor, misattributed-to-groucho-marx, time

6194 likes

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#10

“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
― Jerome K. Jerome

tags: humor, work

8143 likes

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#11

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
― Charles Lamb

2824 likes

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#12

“A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar.”
― Amanda Cross

1712 likes

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#13

“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
― Steven Wright

tags: amnesia, humor, memory

4690 likes

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#14

“I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.”
― Peter De Vries

tags: humor, writing

349 likes

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#15

“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”
― Robert Bloch

tags: humor

404 likes

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#16

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
― Narcotics Anonymous

tags: humor, insanity, life, misattributed-ben-franklin, misattributed-mark-twain, misattributed-to-einstein

64700 likes

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#17

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe

148527 likes

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#18

“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
― Mark Twain

tags: misattributed-mark-twain, truth

16304 likes

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#19

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor

37994 likes

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#20

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain

34478 likes

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#21

“I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”
― Jane Austen, Jane Austen's Letters

tags: friends, humor, people

8995 likes

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#22

“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
― W.C. Fields

18673 likes

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#23

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: humor

9934 likes

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#24

“There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
― Oscar Levant

tags: genius, humor, insanity

9903 likes

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#25

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor-satan

6213 likes

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#26

“I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
― Woody Allen

tags: humor, life, sex

6556 likes

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#27

“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

tags: humor, perspective, science

5860 likes

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#28

“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.”
― Stephen King, Storm of the Century

tags: god, humor, religion

7983 likes

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#29

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”
― Mae West

tags: humor, temptation

7023 likes

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#30

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
― W.C. Fields

7414 likes

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attributed-no-source
friends
friendship
misattributed-albert-camus
humor
jail
deadlines
humour
work
writing
exercise
laziness
misattributed-to-hutchins
books
reading
television
death
fear
life
politics
misattributed-to-groucho-marx
time
amnesia
memory
insanity
misattributed-ben-franklin
misattributed-mark-twain
misattributed-to-einstein
human-nature
infinity
philosophy
science
stupidity
universe
truth
animals
dogs
people
genius
humor-satan
sex
perspective
god
religion
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