Ashley Clerville > Ashley's Quotes

“I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance”
― Jon Stewart

“Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.”
― Jon Stewart

“If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.”
― Jon Stewart

“If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?”
― Jon Stewart

“If "con" is the opposite of pro, then isn't Congress the opposite of progress? Or did we just fucking blow your mind?!?”
― Jon Stewart, America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction

“Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.”
― Jon Stewart

“Thomas Jefferson once said: 'Of course the people don't want war. But the people can be brought to the bidding of their leader. All you have to do is tell them they're being attacked and denounce the pacifists for somehow a lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.' I think that was Jefferson. Oh wait. That was Hermann Goering. Shoot."

[Hosting the Peabody Awards for broadcasting excellence at the New York Waldorf-Astoria, June 6, 2006]”
― Jon Stewart

“Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we instead judge people by the content of their character. He was shot.”
― Jon Stewart, Earth (The Book): A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race

“If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.”
― Jon Stewart

“We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.”
― jon stewart

“You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect.”
― Jon Stewart

“The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.”
― Jon Stewart

“The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day.”
― Jon Stewart

“What are you so mad about? That we still have a government? We still have “traffic lights.” We’re sorry. The government’s not perfect, but some people wish it was better, not gone.”
― Jon Stewart

“What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?”
― Jon Stewart

“I feel your scorn, and I accept it.”
― Jon Stewart

“The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.”
― Jon Stewart

“We owe Clint Eastwood a debt of thanks. Not only because it was truly a hilarious twelve minutes of improvised "awesome" in a week of scripted "blah".

But because it advanced our understanding.

This president has issues, and there are very legitimate debates about his policies and actions, and successes and or failures as president - I mean, tune in next week. But I could never wrap my head around why the world, and the president republicans describe, bears so little resemblance to the world and the president that I experience. And now I know why :

There is a president Obama that only republicans can see”
― Jon Stewart, Miscellaneous Writings

“The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.”
― Jon Stewart

“1. Society needs laws. While anarchy can often turn a humdrum weekend into something unforgettable, eventually the mob must be kept from stealing the conch and killing Piggy. And while it would be nice if that "something" was simple human decency, anybody who has witnessed the "50% Off Wedding Dress Sale" at Filene's Basement knows we need a backup plan—preferably in writing. On the other hand, too many laws can result in outright tyranny, particularly if one of those laws is "Kneel before Zod." Somewhere between these two extremes lies the legislative sweet-spot that produces just the right amount of laws for a well-adjusted society—more than zero, less than fascism.”
― Jon Stewart, America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction

“Classroom Activities
1. Using felt and yarn, make a hand puppet of Clarence Thomas. Ta-da! You're Antonin Scalia!”
― Jon Stewart, America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction