Kim > Kim's Quotes

“What is that you express in your eyes? It seems to me more than all the print I have read in my life.”
― Walt Whitman

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin

“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”
― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
― George Carlin

“We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these people kidding? Save the planet? We don't even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven't learned how to care for one another. We're gonna save the fuckin' planet? . . . And, by the way, there's nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. The planet is fine. The people are fucked! Compared with the people, the planet is doin' great. It's been here over four billion years . . . The planet isn't goin' anywhere, folks. We are! We're goin' away. Pack your shit, we're goin' away. And we won't leave much of a trace. Thank God for that. Nothing left. Maybe a little Styrofoam. The planet will be here, and we'll be gone. Another failed mutation; another closed-end biological mistake.”
― George Carlin

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
― George Carlin

“I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.”
― George Carlin

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
― George Carlin

“I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”
― George Carlin

“I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.'" Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. If they say, "We're the So-and-Sos," take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it's unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don't participate; it will be your death. And if they tell you you're not a team player, congratulate them on being observant.”
― George Carlin

“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.”
― George Carlin

“If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?”
― George Carlin

“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward. ”
― George Carlin, George Carlin Reads to You: An Audio Collection Including Recent Grammy Winners Braindroppings and Napalm & Silly Putty

“A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed.”
― George Carlin

“When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. If you're born in America you get a front row seat.”
― George Carlin

“When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.”
― Taylor Swift

“It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.”
― George Carlin

“If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

“If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?”
― George Carlin

“People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?”
― George Carlin

“People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.”
― George Carlin

“Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.”
― George Carlin

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
― George Carlin

“Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?”
― George Carlin

“Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. ”
― George Carlin

“You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

“Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.”
― George Carlin

“If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.”
― George Carlin

“I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.”
― george carlin