P J > P's Quotes

“Just out of curiosity,” she says, “after you wake up in the morning, do you admire yourself in the mirror for one hour or two?”

“Two,” I reply cheerfully.

“Do you high five yourself?”

“Of course not.” I smirk. “I kiss each of my biceps and then point to the ceiling and thank the big man upstairs for creating such a perfect male specimen.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“Penises!

Sweet Jesus.

Penises everywhere.

Horror slams into me as I register what I'm seeing. Oh God. I've stumbled onto a penis convention. Big penises and small penises and fat penises and penis-shaped penises. It doesn't matter which direction I move my head because everywhere I look I see penises.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“I fight back laughter.

“As you wish.”

"Did you really just Princess Bride me?”

“Did you really just use Princess Bride as a verb?”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“The second I encounter his erection, my jaw drops.
“Oh my God, are you kidding me?”
He looks startled. “What’s wrong?”
“Are you taking human growth hormones or something? I snatch my hand back, fighting another rush of nervousness. “There’s no way that huge man monster is fitting inside me!”
Garrett’s head abruptly drops in the crook of his arm as a shudder racks his body. At first I think he’s pissed off. Or maybe even crying. It takes several seconds before I realize what’s happening. He’s laughing.
Scratch that – he’s in hysterics.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“You invoked a campus-wide hands-off law? Are you kidding me?” I’m not at all remorseful as I meet her eyes. “Of course I did.” “Oh my God. You are unbelievable.” She shakes her head in disbelief”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“Say it,” he orders. “Say what?” I use the corner of his blanket to wipe the moisture staining my cheeks. “Say Garrett Graham, you are a sex god. You have achieved what no other man ever has. You—” I punch him in the shoulder. “Oh my God, you’re such a jerk. I will never, ever say those words.” “Sure you will.” He smirks at me. “Once I’m through with you, you’ll be shouting those words out from the rooftops.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“Two minutes later, Garrett pops into the corridor, and I take one look at his expression and know he’s about to deliver good news. “You passed?” I squeal. He raises his exam booklet over his head like he’s acting out a scene from the Lion King. “A-fucking-minus!”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“I’m grinning like the town idiot. And now is not the time to be grinning like the town idiot, not when I’m buck naked in a room full of showering dudes and my girlfriend is glaring daggers at me. But I’m so happy to see her that I can’t control my facial muscles.

My eyes eat up the sight of her. Her gorgeous face. Dark hair pulled back in a ponytail with a pink hair thingie. Infuriated green eyes.

She’s so damn hot when she’s mad at me.

“It’s nice to see you too, baby,” I answer cheerfully. “How was your break?”

“Don’t you baby me. And don’t ask about my break because you don’t deserve to know about it!” Hannah glowers at me, then shifts her attention to the three hockey players in the neighboring stalls. “For the love of Pete, would you guys just rinse off and skedaddle already? I’m trying to yell at your captain.”

I choke back a laugh, which ends up spilling out when my teammates snap to attention like they’ve been issued a command by a drill sergeant. Showers turn off and towels come out, and a moment later, Hannah and I are alone.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“Hannah’s trust, meet Garrett’s hands.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“What the hell is going on in here?”

Hannah jumps in surprise when Coach Jensen appears in the shower area.

Oh, hey, Coach,” I call out. “Not what it looks like.”

His dark brows knit in a displeased frown. “It looks like you’re taking a shower in front of your girlfriend. In my locker room.”

“Okay, then yeah, it’s what it looks like. But I promise, it’s all very PG. Well, except for the fact that I’m naked. But don’t worry, no kinky shit is going to happen.” I grin at him. “I’m trying to win her back.”

Coach’s mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. I can’t tell if he’s amused or pissed or ready to wash his hands of this whole thing. Finally, he nods and opts for option number three. “Carry on.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“I’m a black kid from Biloxi, Han-Han. What the fuck do I know about hockey?”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“Read,” I order.

“Out loud?”

“Yep. And once you’re done, I want you to summarize what you just read. Think you can handle that?”

There’s a beat, and then his bottom lip quivers. “This might be the wrong time to tell you, but…I can’t read.”

My jaw falls open. Holy shit. He can’t be seri—

Garrett barks out a laugh. “Relax, I’m fucking around with you.” Then he scowls at me. “You actually thought I couldn’t read? Jesus Christ, Wellsy.”

I offer a sweet smile. “Wouldn’t have surprised me in the slightest.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“Garrett climbs on the bed and lies down, resting his head on a mountain of pillows. I've never met anyone who sleeps with so many pillows. Maybe he needs them to cradle his massive ego.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty...”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bites

“It's a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bites

“I turned to leave and paused before the gap in the ruined wall. "One last thing, Your Majesty. I'd like a name I can put into my report, something shorter than typing out 'The Leader of the Southern Shapechanger Faction.' What should I call you?"
"Lord."
I rolled my eyes.
He shrugged. "It's short.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bites

“Are you sure you know where you're going?" Andrea frowned.
"Would you like me to pull over and ask that bamboo for directions?"
"I don't know, do you think it will answer?"
We peered at the bamboo.
"I think it looks suspicious," Andrea said.
"Maybe there is a heffalump hiding in it."
Andrea stared at me.
"You know, heffalump? From Pooh Bear?"
"Where do you even get this shit?”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Slays

“I think you’re confused as to the nature of our relationship. You and I, we don’t get along. You’re a psychopathic control freak. You order me around and I want to kill you. I’m a pigheaded insubordinate ass. I drive you mad and you want to strangle me.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Strikes

“ I'll be busy for the next eight weeks, so let's set this for November 15th.
MENU
I want lamb or venison steak. Baked potatoes with honey butter. Corn on the cob. Rolls. And apple pie, like the one you made before. I really liked it. I want it with ice cream.
You owe me one naked dinner, but I'm not a complete beast, so you can wear a bra and panties if you so wish. The blue ones with the bow will do.

Curran,
Beast Lord of Atlanta”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Strikes

“You’re taking a nap? Come on, Kate, I need you for this fight. Stop lying around.”
“You must think you’re funny.”
“Just saying, you have to pull your own weight. A hot body and flirting will only get you so far.”
“Everything I do, I learned from you, boy toy.”
“Boy toy?” Curran asked.
“Would you prefer man candy?”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Rises

“He lunged for the maps. I grabbed the chair and hit him with it. He went down. I hit him again to make sure he stayed that way, stepped over him, and picked up the maps.
"I win.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Burns

“I flexed my wrist, popped a silver needle into my palm, and offered it to him.
'What's this?'
'A needle.'
'What should I do with it?'
He'd walked right into it. Too easy. 'Please use it to pop your head. It's obscuring my view of the room.'
- Kate & Saiman”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Strikes

“Cute. I think I would prefer to be stabbed in the eye rather than be called cute.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Strikes

“If the lot of you survives, Curran will flay the skin off your backs," Doolittle said.
"That's what I always love about you, Doctor." Raphael grinned. "You're a cup-halfway-full kind of guy. All flowers and sunshine.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Strikes

“Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.”
― Ilona Andrews

“Tall, with skin the color of rich coffee, and dressed all in black, Jim looked like he was carved from a block of solid muscle. Logic said that at some point he must've been a baby and then a child, but looking at him one was almost convinced that some deity touched the ground with its scepter and proclaimed, "There shall be a badass," and Jim sprung into existence, fully formed, complete with clothes, and ready for action.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Gifts

“Where is the bane of my existence?"
"In the shower, freshening up."
Damn it all to hell. "Oh God, who did Ascanio screw now?"
"No, no, he's covered in blood."
"Oh good." Wait a minute. "The kid is covered in blood and we're relieved. There is something wrong with us.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Gifts

“One does not simply ring Roland."
Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Shifts

“Why were you in a vehicle with Kate, alone? What were you wearing? What was she wearing? How long were you there? Did you do something or did you talk? What was the nature of your discussion? Could this trip have been avoided?"

I rubbed my face. "So basically you're scared that His Lordship might get his panties in a bunch?"

"That's one way to put it.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Have your vote. But know this: if you come to remove me, come in force, because if you try to separate me from him, I will kill every single one of you. My hand won't shake. My aim won't falter. My face will be the last thing you'll see before you die.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds