Hayden > Hayden's Quotes

“Cats are assholes. I get it. But do you know why people like cats, despite their asshole-ness? It’s because they don’t fucking talk. If they did, and they were all like you, they’d all be extinct because we’d have killed you all by now.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Goddammit Donut!”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Mana Toast. This is toast. It refills your mana. That’s it. Nothing more. Fuck you.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Did we really just start a meth war between the goblins and the llamas?”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Question: What’s the only thing standing between an innocent child and a happy, fulfilling life? Answer: You. The answer is you.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Reward: I SAID THE GHOST OF STEVE IRWIN SMILES DOWN UPON YOU.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“The last time the walls shook like this was when your mom came over for a visit.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“New achievement! You’ve killed an armed mob with your bare fucking hands! Holy crap, dude. That’s kinda fucked up. Reward: You’ve received a Bronze Weapon Box!”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“New achievement! War Criminal. You have killed more than 20 non-combatants in a single attack! Question: What’s the only thing standing between an innocent child and a happy, fulfilling life? Answer: You. The answer is you. Reward: You’ve received a Gold Asshole’s Box!”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Donut: CARL IT IS ANOTHER VILE MURDERER. Carl: I don’t think so, not this time. Also, I know you don’t have to type in all caps. I’ve seen you do it before. It makes you sound like you are yelling. Donut: I AM YELLING CARL.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“You will not break me.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“New Achievement! You read a book! You managed to make it all the way through the first Dungeon Crawler Carl book without throwing it against the wall! Reward: You get to read the next book!”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Cats are assholes. I get it. But do you know why people like cats, despite their asshole-ness? It’s because they don’t fucking talk.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Bad Llama. Level 3. It’s a llama, but it’s bad. If he were human, he’d be covered in prison tattoos and would be hanging out in front of the Circle K hitting on 14-year-old girls. They might be willing to sell you something if you have good stuff to trade. You won’t want to get hit by their spit.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“I am already one of god’s most perfect creatures, so I won’t be changing race when the opportunity arises. I was born a cat, and I will die a cat. In fact, I’m going to have to insist that Carl choose a cat race as well.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde