Joar > Joar's Quotes

“People, generally, suck.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it.
If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil.
If you seek an adventure, may this song sing you away to blissful escape.
If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions.
All books reveal perfection, by what they are or what they are not.
May you find that which you seek, in these pages or outside them.
May you find perfection, and know it by name.”
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

“There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon.”
― Christopher Moore, Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

“Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“Blessed are the dumbfucks.”
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

“Only cops and vampires have to have an invitation to enter.”
― Christopher Moore

“I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.”
― Christopher Moore, Bloodsucking Fiends

“So nerds rule.”
― Christopher Moore, The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove

“Like bear...”
― Christopher Moore

“Charlie Asher: I accidently shagged a monk last night.
Minty Fresh: Sometimes, in times of crisis, that shit cannot be avoided.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“Charlie Asher: Mrs. Ling, is that duck wearing trousers?
Mrs. Ling: Could be . . . . You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“You bitch! You killed me! You suck!”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal.”
― Neil Gaiman

“A woman of many talents. And intelligent, too. He'd probably have to kill her soon.”
― Robin Hobb

“So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books.”
― Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

“It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like, so long as somebody loves you.”
― Roald Dahl, The Witches

“Two rights don't equal a left.”
― Roald Dahl, The BFG

“We have so much time and so little to do. Strike that, reverse it.”
― Roald Dahl

“Mr. Wonka: "Don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted."
Charlie Bucket: "What happened?"
Mr. Wonka: "He lived happily ever after.”
― Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

“I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me.”
― Roald Dahl, Matilda

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
― Billy Sunday, "Billy" Sunday, the man and his message: with his own words which have won thousands for Christ

“If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?”
― Jerry Seinfeld

“She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it..”
― Masashi Kishimoto, Naruto, Vol. 18: Tsunade's Choice

“I'm not drunk, just a little stoned.”
― Gerard Way

“By Aladdin's lamplit scrotum, man! Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“The problem with being nuts, she thought, is that you don't always feel as if you're nuts. Sometimes, in fact, you feel perfectly sane, and there just happens to be a trailer-shaped dragon crouching in the lot next door.”
― Christopher Moore

“No man can be called friendless who has God and the companionship of good books.”
― Elizabeth Barrett Browning