Madison > Madison's Quotes

“D'Arvit!”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl Band 1-3

“Trust me. I'm a genius.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter—they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught.”
― Eoin Colfer, Half Moon Investigations

“No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“Listen to me, goblin. You're stupid, let's accept that and move on.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?”
― Eoin Colfer, The Arctic Incident

“Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“Foaly: Anyone see you come in here?
Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB.
Foaly: The EIB?
Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl Band 1-3

“Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression.
Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case?
Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor.
Doctor Po: Yes?
Artemis: My mother, she...
Doctor Po: Your mother, yes?
Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Arctic Incident

“Good. Illegal is always faster.”
― Eoin Colfer

“Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something."
Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl?”
― Eoin Colfer

“Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.”
― Eoin Colfer

“I can't imagine what they're planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it, and it won't be legal.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Artemis Fowl Files

“Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told.
--Artemis Fowl”
― Eoin Colfer, The Artemis Fowl Files

“Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder”
― Eoin Colfer, The Time Paradox

“You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a clue”
― Eoin Colfer

“A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“I don't like lollipops.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“And one more thing. About my name — Artemis — you were right. In London, it is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Arctic Incident

“That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy."
Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things."
But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror."
I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?"
Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

“The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots, aderringer two-shot up his sleeve, garrotte wire in his watch, and three stun greanades concealed in variouse pockets. Anything else, Butler?”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa," intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Time Paradox

“(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)”
― Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code