James > James's Quotes

“People, generally, suck.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“Actually, orcas aren't quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.”
― Christopher Moore, Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

“I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“So nerds rule.”
― Christopher Moore, The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove

“She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.”
― Christopher Moore

“Shoes off in the whale! And don't try and make a break for the anus.”
― Christopher Moore, Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

“He was a writer and words were his weapons.”
― Christopher Moore, Bloodsucking Fiends

“Like bear...”
― Christopher Moore

“Mr. Fresh looked up. "The book says if we don't do our jobs everything could go dark, become like the Underworld. I don't know what the Underworld is like, Mr. Asher, but I've caught some of the road show from there a couple of times, and I'm not interested in finding out. How 'bout you?"

"Maybe it's Oakland," Charlie said.

"What's Oakland?"

"The Underworld."

"Oakland is not the Underworld!"

"The Tenderloin?" Charlie suggested.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“Science, you don't know, looks like magic.”
― Christopher Moore

“The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you.”
― David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

“Stop," I said. "Please do not further endorken yourself to me. You have great hair and a car that is most fly, and you have just saved me with your mad ninja driving skills, so do not sully your heroic hottie image in my mind by further reciting your nerdy scholastic agenda. Don't tell me what you're studying, Steve, tell me what's in your soul. What haunts you?"
And he was like, "Dude, you need to cut back on the caffeine.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck

“If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“Do we look like thrill-seekers? Wasn't it enough that we had to put up that sign reading NO HABLA ESPANOL and acknowledge the existence of thirty percent of the population, even in the negative?”
― Christopher Moore

“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.”
― Douglas Coupland, Shampoo Planet

“TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“Adventure without risk is Disneyland.”
― Douglas Coupland

“Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It's the crack cocaine of the literary world.”
― Jasper Fforde, First Among Sequels

“Take no heed of her.... She reads a lot of books.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Eyre Affair

“Sorry," [Hamlet] said, rubbing his temples. "I don't know what came over me. All of a sudden I had this overwhelming desire to talk for a very long time without actually doing anything.”
― Jasper Fforde, Something Rotten

“Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.”
― Jasper Fforde, Lost in a Good Book

“Don't ever call me mad, Mycroft. I'm not mad. I'm just ... well, differently moraled, that's all.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Eyre Affair

“Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.”
― Jasper Fforde

“Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.”
― Jasper Fforde, First Among Sequels

“If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gogh, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Big Over Easy

“A person's a person, no matter how small.”
― Dr. Seuss, Horton Hears a Who!

“Being crazy isn't enough.”
― Dr. Seuss

“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!”
― Dr. Seuss

“I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. I speak for the trees for the trees have no tongues.”
― Dr. Seuss, The Lorax