Paul Barry > Paul's Quotes

“There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.”
― Woody Allen

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”
― Woody Allen

“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.”
― Woody Allen

“If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.”
― Woody Allen, Hannah and Her Sisters

“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.”
― Woody Allen

“Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.”
― Woody Allen

“My brain? That's my second favorite organ.”
― Woody Allen

“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make that: he - he romanticized it all out of proportion. Yeah. To him, no matter what the season was, this was still a town that existed in black and white and pulsated to the great tunes of George Gershwin.'

Uh, no let me start this over.

'Chapter 1.
He was too romantic about Manhattan, as he was about everything else. He thrived on the hustle bustle of the crowds and the traffic. To him, New York meant beautiful women and street-smart guys who seemed to know all the angles...'.

Ah, corny, too corny for my taste. Can we ... can we try and make it more profound?

'Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. For him, it was a metaphor for the decay of contemporary culture. The same lack of individual integrity that caused so many people to take the easy way out was rapidly turning the town of his dreams in...'

No, that's going to be too preachy. I mean, you know, let's face it, I want to sell some books here.

'Chapter 1.
He adored New York City, although to him it was a metaphor for the decay of contemporary culture. How hard it was to exist in a society desensitized by drugs, loud music, television, crime, garbage...'

Too angry, I don't want to be angry.

'Chapter 1.
He was as tough and romantic as the city he loved. Behind his black-rimmed glasses was the coiled sexual power of a jungle cat.'

I love this.

'New York was his town, and it always would be.”
― Woody Allen, Manhattan

“We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand scale, most of these choices are on lesser points. But we define ourselves by the choices we have made. We are, in fact, the sum total of our choices. Events unfold so unpredictably, so unfairly, Human happiness does not seem to be included in the design of creation. it is only we, with our capacity to love that give meaning to the indifferent universe. And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying and even try to find joy from simple things, like their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more”
― Woody Allen

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”
― Woody Allen

“The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.”
― Woody Allen

“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.”
― Woody Allen

“The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.”
― Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris: The Shooting Script

“More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”
― Woody Allen

“The heart wants what it wants.”
― Woody Allen

“This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why don’t you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess that’s pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know they’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.”
― Woody Allen

“You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The paradox consists of the fact that, when we fall in love, we are seeking to re-find all or some of the people to whom we were attached as children. On the other hand, we ask our beloved to correct all of the wrongs that these early parents or siblings inflicted upon us. So that love contains in it the contradiction: The attempt to return to the past and the attempt to undo the past.”
― Woody Allen

“I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.”
― Woody Allen

“Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.”
― Woody Allen

“I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot”
― Woody Allen

“The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.”
― Woody Allen

“We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.”
― Woody Allen

“It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.”
― Woody Allen

“These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks, he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks, Freud would let you treat him, and that included a choice of any two vegetables. Thirty dollars an hour! Fifty dollars an hour! The Kaiser only got twelve and a quarter for being Kaiser! And he had to walk to work! And the length of treatment! Two years! Five years! If one of us couldn’t cure a patient in six months we would refund his money, take him to any musical revue and he would receive either a mahogany fruit bowl or a set of stainless steel carving knives. I remember you could always tell the patients Jung failed with, as he would give them large stuffed pandas.”
― Woody Allen, Getting Even

“The most expensive sex is free sex”
― Woody Allen

“Subjectivity is objective.”
― Woody Allen

“It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better, [Cloquet thought,] while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking
hours much more.”
― Woody Allen, Side Effects

“I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.”
― Woody Allen, Manhattan