Darion > Darion's Quotes

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
― Paul Terry

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
― George Carlin

“All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

“Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
― Thomas Szasz

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
― Groucho Marx

“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
― Jerome K. Jerome

“THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. We are here to help you.
2. You will have time to get to your class before the bell rings.
3. The dress code will be enforced.
4. No smoking is allowed on school grounds.
5. Our football team will win the championship this year.
6. We expect more of you here.
7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen.
8. Your schedule was created with you in mind.
9. Your locker combination is private.
10. These will be the years you look back on fondly.

TEN MORE LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. You will use algebra in your adult lives.
2. Driving to school is a privilege that can be taken away.
3. Students must stay on campus during lunch.
4. The new text books will arrive any day now.
5. Colleges care more about you than your SAT scores.
6. We are enforcing the dress code.
7. We will figure out how to turn off the heat soon.
8. Our bus drivers are highly trained professionals.
9. There is nothing wrong with summer school.
10. We want to hear what you have to say.”
― Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak

“Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
"Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.”
― Cassandra Clare

“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.”
― Stephen King, Storm of the Century

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
― Mark Twain

“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
― Winston S. Churchill

“Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”
― C.E.M. Joad

“A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.”
― Dennis Miller

“When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.”
― Herman Wouk

“A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.”
― Mark Twain

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

“Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?”
― Bill Watterson

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
― George Carlin

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.”
― Benjamin Franklin

“I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”
― Benjamin Franklin

“Try not to have a good time...this is supposed to be educational.”
― Charles Schultz

“When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”
― Bill Watterson

“I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
― Jon Stewart

“Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?
Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty.
Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin.
Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”
― Bill Watterson

“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
― Groucho marx

“You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.”
― Jon Stewart

“I try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.”
― Johnny Depp

“Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”
― Bill Watterson

“It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.”
― Bill Watterson