Pat > Pat's Quotes

“It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what."

[I saw hate in a graveyard -- Stephen Fry, The Guardian, 5 June 2005]”
― Stephen Fry

“Johnny and Marissa, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes an abrupt, tragic miscarriage. Then comes blame, then comes despair. Two hearts damaged beyond repair... Johnny leaves Marissa, and takes the tree. D-I-V-O-R-C-E.”
― Kris Wilson, Ice Cream & Sadness

“Hey diddle diddle, the cat and fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon! The little dog laughed to see such sport, and the dish ran away with the spoon! He ran from conviction and fed his addiction as the dish heated the spoon. The spoon begged to but the dish shouted "NO!" "The heroin will be ready soon".”
― Kris Wilson, Ice Cream & Sadness

“I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter’s son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter —”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

“We do have a lot in common.
The same air, the same Earth, the same sky.
Maybe if we started looking at
what's the same instead of
always looking at what's different,

...well, who knows?”
― Meowth

“Dead kids are put on pedestals, but mentally ill kids get hidden under the rug.”
― Neal Shusterman, Challenger Deep

“There are times I feel like I'm the kid screaming at the bottom of the well, and my dog runs off to pee on trees instead of getting help.”
― Neal Shusterman, Challenger Deep

“The scariest thing of all is never knowing what you're suddenly going to believe.”
― Neal Shusterman, Challenger Deep

“You suck, surprising no one!!!! If bad was a boot, you'd fit it!!!! You're a stupid poo-poo head! I had sexual relations with your mother! Your mother was not that good in bed! You, sir, are a wretched soul! I am rubber, you are glue!”
― Bryan Lee O'Malley, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

“I know exactly what he means. I had overheard Poirot talking to my parents. He was using words like "psychosis" and "schizophrenic". Words that people feel they have to whisper, or not repeat at all. The Mental-Illness-That-Must-Not-Be-Named.”
― Neal Shusterman, Challenger Deep

“You come to know the pattern of your particular chemical bombardment. The numbness, the lack of focus, the artificial sense of peace when the meds first hit your system. The growing paranoia and anxiety as they wane. The worse you feel, the more you can get into the treacherous waters of your own thoughts. The greater the threat from the inside, the more you long for those waters, as if you've grown accustomed to the terrible tentacles that seek to draw you into their crushing embrace.”
― Neal Shusterman, Challenger Deep

“If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more ‎violence. If the Jews put ‎down their weapons ‎today, there would be no ‎more Israel'‎”
― Benjamin Netanyahu

“Everyone believes the world's greatest lie..." says the mysterious old man.
"What is the world's greatest lie?" the little boy asks.
The old man replies, "It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie.”
― paulo coelho

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“Ma and God

God gave us fingers--Ma says, "Use your fork."
God gave us voices--Ma says, "Don't scream."
Ma says eat broccoli, cereal and carrots.
But God gave us tasteys for maple ice cream.

God gave us fingers--Ma says, "Use your hanky."
God gave us puddles--Ma says, "Don't splash."
Ma says, "Be quiet, your father is sleeping."
But God gave us garbage can covers to crash.

God gave us fingers--Ma says, "Put your gloves on."
God gave us raindrops--Ma says, "Don't get wet."
Ma says be careful, and don't get too near to
Thoses strange lovely dogs that God gave us to pet.

God gave us fingers--Ma says, "Go wash 'em."
But God gave us coal bins and nice dirty bodies.
And I ain't too smart, but there's one thing for certain--
Either Ma's wrong or else God is.”
― Shel Silverstein

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.”
― Carter Crocker

“What an astonishing thing a book is. It's a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you're inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs. Books break the shackles of time. A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic."

[Cosmos, Part 11: The Persistence of Memory (1980)]”
― Carl Sagan, Cosmos

“To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems”
― Matt Groening

“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.'

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.”
― Matt Groening

“I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth."

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“Where do babies come from? Don't bother asking adults. They lie like pigs. However, diligent independent research and hours of playground consultation have yielded fruitful, if tentative, results. There are several theories. Near as we can figure out, it has something to do with acting ridiculous in the dark. We believe it is similar to dogs when they act peculiar and ride each other. This is called "making love". Careful study of popular song lyrics, advertising catch-lines, TV sitcoms, movies, and T-Shirt inscriptions offers us significant clues as to its nature. Apparently it makes grown-ups insipid and insane. Some graffiti was once observed that said "sex is good". All available evidence, however, points to the contrary.”
― Matt Groening, Childhood Is Hell

“Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.”
― Matt Groening

“You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“Keep your expectations tiny you'll go through life not so whiney.”
― Matt Groening

“The entire world of grown-ups is corrupt and stupid.”
― Matt Groening

“I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. ”
― Matt Groening

“This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!"

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.”
― Bob Marley

“Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal