Gina Guesby Mays > Gina's Quotes

“Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.
- T-shirt”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“That took balls."

"Please," I said with a snort, "that took ovaries. Of which I have two.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.”

I pointed to my right breast. “This is Danger.” Then my left. “And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly.”

After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?”

I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“Genius has its limitations.
Insanity...not so much" -Bumper Sticker”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -T-Shirt”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding."

I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding internally, I'd know somewhere deep inside? Like, internally?”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. (T-Shirt)”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, IT’S GONNA GIVE YOU TROUBLE. —BUMPER STICKER”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“DON’T GO BUYING TROUBLE.
IT’S FREE AND IT KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.
—T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“Make it quick," I said when I picked up.
"Okay. Two men from the FBI are here." Cookie said. Quickly.
Crap. "Men in black are at the office?"
"Well, yes, but they're actually in more of a navy."
Crapola. I so don't have time for men. In any color. "Okay, two questions. Do they look mad, and are they hot?"
After a long, long, pause, Cookie said, "One, not really. Two, no comment at this time. And three, you're on speakerphone."
After another long, long pause, I said, "Okie dokie then. Be there in a jiff.”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“You’re just using me for my body.” “You don’t have a body,” I’d remind him.
“Throw that in my face.”
“Technically, you don’t have a face either.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“There is a great need for a sarcasm font.”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“If life hands you lemons,keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.-T-Shirt”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“NEVER BE AFRAID TO DART AROUND IN PUBLIC, HUMMING THE MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE THEME SONG. —T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“If you must eat a banana in public, never make eye contact.”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

“I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, "This is Beam Me Up." Then to my right. "And this is Scotty." Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you're done.--T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

“But, you're his son," I said, trying really hard to hate him. "You're the son of Satan. Literally."

"And you are the stepdaughter of Denise Davidson."

Wow. That was a bit harsh, but, "Okay, point taken.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“I WAS AN ATHEIST UNTIL I REALIZED I WAS GOD. —BUMPER STICKER”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left