“Myth 1: Infants don’t remember anything, so experience in infancy doesn’t really matter.
Reality: The infant brain has a huge capacity for memory. Memories from infancy are stored in the brain as implicit memory, which makes up the emotional brain, the unconscious mind, and the foundation for lifelong mental and physical health.
Myth 2: Responding to cries spoils an infant or teaches an infant to be dependent.
Reality: Responding reliably strengthens a baby’s emotional brain circuits, helps them grow confidently independent, and gives them the gift of stress regulation for life.
Myth 3: Babies can and need to learn to self-soothe, which means go from a state of high stress to a state of safety on their own.
Reality: Babies cannot self-soothe because they do not have the brain parts to do so until way beyond infancy.
Myth 4: Babies are resilient, so experience in infancy doesn’t matter.
Reality: Experience in infancy matters. It interacts with genes to influence mental health.
Myth 5: We can’t make a difference to our baby’s mental health outcomes if our baby inherits mental health genetics and intergenerational trauma through epigenetics.
Reality: Nurture makes an impact on inherited DNA and epigenetics to reduce or silence mental health effects.
Myth 6: Everyone falls in love with and knows what to do with their baby right away.
Reality: Lots of time touching, smelling, and looking into your baby’s eyes slowly builds your love, knowledge, and relationship with your baby.
Myth 7: Having a baby impairs your brain function.
Reality: Having a baby changes your brain to give you nurturing superpowers.
Myth 8: Being with my baby is doing nothing.
Reality: Being with my baby is vital brain-building, circuit-sculpting, cycle-starting activism for my baby’s future.
Myth 9: Only pay attention to your baby’s stress and emotions when there’s a reason for them.
Reality: All of your baby’s stress and emotions need to feel welcome and safe.
Myth 10: Since my baby will be with a grandparent, a nanny, or at daycare, I should reduce my care at home to prepare them.
Reality: Providing my baby with as much nurture as possible when we are together is what they need to build their brain.
Myth 11: You need to buy things for your baby’s brain development.
Reality: Your presence is the key to your baby’s brain development.
Myth 12: I need swings, seats, and containers to take care of my baby. My baby needs lots of classes and socialization to thrive.
Reality: The sensory experiences from my body are the only thing my baby needs.
Myth 13: I should feed my baby on a schedule.
Reality: Feed your baby when their body is experiencing physiological signals of hunger and showing hunger cues.
Myth 14: Breastfeeding or body feeding past six or twelve or twenty-four or thirty-six months is extra, spoiling, or for no reason.
Reality: Breastfeeding or body feeding at six or twelve or twenty-four or thirty-six months is brain-building and nurturing.
Myth 15: Holding a baby is doing nothing.
Reality: Holding a baby is seriously hard and brain-building work.
Myth 16: Newborn babies are happy with a swaddle, hat, pacifier, and bassinet.
Reality: Newborns are happy on someone’s skin, chest-to-chest, covered by a blanket—no swaddle, hat, pacifier, or bassinet needed.
Myth 17: Babies’ stress and emotions don’t matter and can be ignored.
Reality: Babies feel transformational stress and a huge range of emotions that influence how their brains and bodies develop.
Myth 18: If we respond to our crying, clinging babies, we teach them that that behavior is good, so they learn to cry and cling more.
Reality: When we respond to crying and clinging, babies cry less, and we build the infant brain to be more independent later.
Myth 19: There’s no difference if I hold my crying baby; they’re crying anyway.
Reality: Holding my crying baby provides a nurture bath to their brain regardless of how long they cry...”
―
Greer Kirshenbaum, PhD
