Wallace King > Wallace's Quotes

“Reminds me of something my grandfather would say. He'd say, "I'm goin' upstairs to fuck your grandmother." He was an honest man, and he wasn't going to bullshit a four-year-old.”
― George Carlin

“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ”
― George Carlin

“hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.”
― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

“Don’t just teach your children to read…
Teach them to question what they read.
Teach them to question everything.”
― George Carlin

“If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? ”
― George Carlin

“You can prick your finger ... Just don't finger your prick.”
― George Carlin

“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
― george carlin

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
― George Carlin

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”
― George Carlin

“Tits always look better in a pink sweater.”
― George Carlin

“Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.”
― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

“The status quo sucks.”
― George Carlin

“What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on? ”
― George Carlin

“Always do whatever's next.”
― George Carlin

“What wine goes with Captain Crunch?”
― George Carlin

“I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

“Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s. ”
― George Carlin

“I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

“Life is tough, then you die.”
― George Carlin

“And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, "Fuck waffles.”
― George Carlin

“She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

“Sometimes a little brain damage can help.”
― George Carlin

“Is there another word for synonym?”
― George Carlin

“I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.”
― George Carlin

“The worst thing about e-mail is that you can’t interrupt the other person. You have to read the whole thing and then e-mail them back, pointing out all their mistakes and faulty assumptions. It’s frustrating and it’s time-consuming. God bless phone calls.”
― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

“I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade”
― george carlin

“You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.”
― George Carlin

“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.”
― George Carlin

“Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.”
― George Carlin

“I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings