Patricia > Patricia's Quotes

“All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed.
For after all, he was only human. He wasn't a dog.”
― Charles M. Schulz

“I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
― Charles M. Schulz

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong'.
Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.”
― Charlie Schultz

“I think I'm afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy something bad always happens.”
― Charles M. Schulz

“Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.”
― Charles M. Schultz

“There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people... Religion, Politics, and The Great Pumpkin. ”
― Charles Schulz

“Only in math can you buy sixty cantaloupes and no one asks what the hell is wrong with you.”
― Charles M. Schulz

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and wonder if my life would be different if I had to do it over... Then a voice comes to me out of the dark that says, "boy, there's an original thought!”
― Charles M. Schulz

“My mind reels with sarcastic replies!”
― Charles M. Schulz, The Complete Peanuts, 1963-1964

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.”
― George Carlin

“I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.'" Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. If they say, "We're the So-and-Sos," take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it's unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don't participate; it will be your death. And if they tell you you're not a team player, congratulate them on being observant.”
― George Carlin

“I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.”
― George Carlin

“I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.”
― George Carlin

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
― George Carlin

“If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.”
― George Carlin

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
― Mark Twain

“Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.”
― Mark Twain

“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”
― Mark Twain

“The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.”
― Mark Twain

“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
― Mark Twain

“The lack of money is the root of all evil.”
― Mark Twain

“A split second later, my life flashed before my eyes, and I came to one important conclusion about it.
It was fun while it lasted.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“A guy in an SUV tried to kill me.”
“That’s strange.”
“Why?”
“Because the guy I hired doesn’t drive an SUV.”
“That is strange.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“Your existence gives me a headache. Go stand over there.”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”
― Joan Rivers

“I’m tired of dealing with crazies. When did it become my job to manage your mental illness?”
― Joan Rivers, Diary of a Mad Diva

“There is a myth I grew up with and heard so many times that I had believed it. They say money doesn’t buy you happiness. This is a delusion the poor cling to and the rich find comical. Money does buy happiness. Money equals freedom, the highest form of happiness. Money equals pleasure. The more you have the more pleasurable life is. People with money can never know what it is like to be without money. Money is a magnet, it doesn’t trickle down, it is sucked up.”
― Clifford Thurlow, Gigolo: Inside the Secret World of the Super Rich

“I let it go. It's like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while, whoever you are, you just have to let go, and the river brings you home.”
― Joanne Harris, Five Quarters of the Orange