J.j. > J.j.'s Quotes

“My goldfish is swimming around all excited inside the fishbowl on the fridge so I reach up and drop a Valium in its water.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

“Change is the hallmark of nature. Nothing remains the same.”
― Alan Weisman, The World Without Us

“I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“A remarkable thing about me is that the time that elapses between a sad thought and a flood of tears is three or four seconds.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Ultimately, the main reasons why I will be chubby for life are (1) I have virtually no hobbies except dieting. I can’t speak any non-English languages, knit, ski, scrapbook, or cook. I have no pets. I don’t know how to do drugs. I lost my passport three years ago when I moved into my house and never got it renewed. Video games scare me because they all seem to simulate situations I’d hate to be in, like war or stealing cars. So if I ever lost weight I would also lose my only hobby; (2) I have no discipline; I’m like if Private Benjamin had never toughened up but, in fact, got worse; (3) Guys I’ve dated have been into me the way I am; and (4) I’m pretty happy with the way I look, so long as I don’t break a beach chair.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“HE BROKE HIS NOSE GIVING A FAKE BLOWJOB. Holy shit. I love that story with every part of me.”
― Sarah Silverman, The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee

“You should never ask anyone for anything. Never- and especially from those who are more powerful than yourself.”
― Mikhail Bulgakov, The Master and Margarita

“Cowardice is the most terrible of vices.”
― Mikhail Bulgakov, The Master and Margarita

“Punch a man on the nose, kick an old man downstairs, shoot somebody or any old thing like that, that’s my job. But argue with women in love—no thank you!”
― Mikhail Bulgakov, The Master and Margarita

“You are not Dostoevsky,' said the woman...
'You never can tell...' he answered.
'Dostoevsky is dead,' the woman said, a bit uncertainly.
'I protest!' he said with heat, 'Dostoevsky is immortal!”
― Mikhail Bulgakov, The Master and Margarita