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J.C. Treeson > J.C.'s Quotes

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  • #1
    Terry Pratchett
    “God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
    tags: einstein, gaiman, god, humor
    2654 likes

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  • #2
    Groucho Marx
    “Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
    ― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx
    tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
    38036 likes

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  • #3
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
    ― Paul Terry
    tags: exercise, humor, laziness, misattributed-to-hutchins
    24401 likes

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  • #4
    Jane Austen
    “The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”
    ― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
    tags: aliteracy, books, classic, humor
    51736 likes

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  • #5
    Mark Twain
    “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
    ― Mark Twain
    34481 likes

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  • #6
    Jim Henson
    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
    ― Jim Henson
    26432 likes

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  • #7
    Steve Martin
    “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
    ― Steve Martin
    tags: humor, obvious, simile
    35272 likes

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  • #8
    Douglas Adams
    “The story so far:
    In the beginning the Universe was created.
    This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
    tags: fantasy, humor, scifi
    23495 likes

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  • #9
    Terry Pratchett
    “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Diggers
    tags: humor, open-mind, thinking
    21459 likes

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  • #10
    Jane Austen
    “I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”
    ― Jane Austen, Jane Austen's Letters
    tags: friends, humor, people
    8999 likes

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  • #11
    Terry Pratchett
    “Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Jingo
    tags: humor, proverb
    12967 likes

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  • #12
    C.E.M. Joad
    “Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”
    ― C.E.M. Joad
    tags: creativity, humor, misattributed-to-einstein, paraphrased
    13083 likes

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  • #13
    Terry Pratchett
    “Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
    tags: humor
    10172 likes

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  • #14
    Mark Twain
    “Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: humor, writing
    9643 likes

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  • #15
    Albert Einstein
    “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: humor
    9927 likes

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  • #16
    Mark Twain
    “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: humor, knowledge
    6889 likes

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  • #17
    Douglas Adams
    “The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
    ― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything
    tags: flight, flying, hg2g, humor
    4990 likes

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  • #18
    Oscar Levant
    “There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
    ― Oscar Levant
    tags: genius, humor, insanity
    9906 likes

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  • #19
    Douglas Adams
    “There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

    There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
    tags: humor
    7886 likes

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  • #20
    Henry Ward Beecher
    “Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?”
    ― Henry Ward Beecherr
    tags: books, humor
    7419 likes

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  • #21
    George Carlin
    “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: humor, insanity, lies, lying, self-indulgence, truth
    19811 likes

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  • #22
    Mark Twain
    “But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: humor-satan
    6211 likes

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  • #23
    Douglas Adams
    “Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
    tags: british, humor, science-fiction, social-commentary, thumb, towel
    3669 likes

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  • #24
    Douglas Adams
    “A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
    tags: life
    3606 likes

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  • #25
    “Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a blank piece of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.”
    ― Gene Fowler
    tags: humor-writing-craft
    1162 likes

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  • #26
    Douglas Adams
    “What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Original Hitchhiker Radio Scripts
    tags: bright-side, dying, humor, survival
    983 likes

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  • #27
    Douglas Adams
    “Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
    tags: atheism, religion, skeptic
    3605 likes

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  • #28
    Douglas Adams
    “I'd take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance any day.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
    tags: atheism, intelligence
    1633 likes

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  • #29
    Douglas Adams
    “He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
    tags: dreams
    2713 likes

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  • #30
    Douglas Adams
    “Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.”
    ― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
    tags: humor, novelist, science-fiction
    2680 likes



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Tags From J.C.’s Quotes

einstein
gaiman
god
humor
animals
books
dogs
friends
exercise
laziness
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aliteracy
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knowledge
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lies
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truth
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social-commentary
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towel
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atheism
religion
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intelligence
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