Sam Bromer > Sam's Quotes

“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”
― Woody Allen

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.”
― Woody Allen

“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.”
― Woody Allen, The Illustrated Woody Allen Reader

“Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.”
― Woody Allen

“To you, I'm an atheist.
To God, I'm the loyal opposition.”
― Woody Allen

“God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.”
― Woody Allen

“Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.”
― Woody Allen

“My brain? That's my second favorite organ.”
― Woody Allen

“The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.”
― Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris: The Shooting Script

“I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.”
― Woody Allen

“More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”
― Woody Allen

“You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The paradox consists of the fact that, when we fall in love, we are seeking to re-find all or some of the people to whom we were attached as children. On the other hand, we ask our beloved to correct all of the wrongs that these early parents or siblings inflicted upon us. So that love contains in it the contradiction: The attempt to return to the past and the attempt to undo the past.”
― Woody Allen

“Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.”
― Woody Allen

“We should all be concerned about [the future] because we will have to spend the rest of our lives there!”
― Charles F. Kettering

“Your self esteem is like a notch below Kafka's.”
― Woody Allen, Manhattan

“All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.”
― Woody Allen

“Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?”
― Woody Allen

“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.”
― Woody Allen

“Millions of books written on every conceivable subject by all these great minds and in the end, none of them knows anything more about the big questions of life than I do … I read Socrates. This guy knocked off little Greek boys. What the Hell’s he got to teach me? And Nietzsche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we’re gonna live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I’ll have to sit through the Ice Capades again. It’s not worth it. And Freud, another great pessimist. I was in analysis for years and nothing happened. My poor analyst got so frustrated, the guy finally put in a salad bar. Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.”
― Woody Allen

“I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.”
― Woody Allen

“What the hell does it all mean anyhow? Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nothing comes to anything. And yet, there's no shortage of idiots to babble. Not me. I have a vision. I'm discussing you. Your friends. Your coworkers. Your newspapers. The TV. Everybody's happy to talk. Full of misinformation. Morality, science, religion, politics, sports, love, your portfolio, your children, health. Christ, if I have to eat nine servings of fruits and vegetables a day to live, I don't wanna live. I hate goddamn fruits and vegetables. And your omega 3's, and the treadmill, and the cardiogram, and the mammogram, and the pelvic sonogram, and oh my god the-the-the colonoscopy, and with it all the day still comes where they put you in a box, and its on to the next generation of idiots, who'll also tell you all about life and define for you what's appropriate. My father committed suicide because the morning newspapers depressed him. And could you blame him? With the horror, and corruption, and ignorance, and poverty, and genocide, and AIDS, and global warming, and terrorism, and-and the family value morons, and the gun morons. "The horror," Kurtz said at the end of Heart of Darkness, "the horror." Lucky Kurtz didn't have the Times delivered in the jungle. Ugh... then he'd see some horror. But what do you do? You read about some massacre in Darfur or some school bus gets blown up, and you go "Oh my God, the horror," and then you turn the page and finish your eggs from the free range chickens. Because what can you do. It's overwhelming!”
― Woody Allen

“I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.”
― Woody Allen

“The wicked at heart probably know something.”
― Woody Allen, Without Feathers

“Living is messy.”
― woody allen

“I can't fight.
I was once run over by a car with a flat tire, being pushed by two guys.”
― Woody Allen

“We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices...”
― Woody Allen, Crimini e misfatti

“My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.”
― Woody Allen

“Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.”
― Woody Allen

“I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny.
I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.”
― Woody Allen

“Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one”
― Woody Allen