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  • #1
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
    148536 likes

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  • #2
    Laurence J. Peter
    “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
    ― Laurence J. Peter
    tags: misattributed-einstein
    8424 likes

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  • #3
    Douglas Adams
    “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
    tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing
    32155 likes

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  • #4
    Jim Henson
    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
    ― Jim Henson
    26439 likes

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  • #5
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
    ― Paul Terry
    tags: exercise, humor, laziness, misattributed-to-hutchins
    24396 likes

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  • #6
    Terry Pratchett
    “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Diggers
    tags: humor, open-mind, thinking
    21435 likes

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  • #7
    I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!
    “I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
    ― Charles M. Schulz
    tags: humor, mankind, people
    18550 likes

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  • #8
    George Carlin
    “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: humor, insanity, lies, lying, self-indulgence, truth
    19798 likes

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  • #9
    W.C. Fields
    “I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
    ― W.C. Fields
    18674 likes

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  • #10
    Rita Mae Brown
    “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.”
    ― Rita Mae Brown
    tags: humor, insanity
    12677 likes

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  • #11
    Lemony Snicket
    “Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.”
    ― Lemony Snicket
    tags: fate, humor, simile
    13151 likes

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  • #12
    Terry Pratchett
    “Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Jingo
    tags: humor, proverb
    12942 likes

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  • #13
    Chuck Palahniuk
    “All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
    ― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
    tags: god, humor, life
    11623 likes

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  • #14
    George V. Higgins
    “This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.”
    ― George V. Higgins, The Friends of Eddie Coyle
    tags: humor, life, misattributed-john-wayne
    11398 likes

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  • #15
    Douglas Adams
    “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
    ― Douglas Adams
    tags: attributed-no-source, humor, misattributed-douglas-adams, wit
    11372 likes

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  • #16
    Groucho Marx
    “When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
    ― Groucho Marx
    tags: friends, humor, jail
    10185 likes

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  • #17
    Oscar Levant
    “There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
    ― Oscar Levant
    tags: genius, humor, insanity
    9904 likes

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  • #18
    Thomas Szasz
    “Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
    ― Thomas Szasz
    tags: humor, inspirational
    9770 likes

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  • #19
    Terry Pratchett
    “Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
    tags: humor
    10167 likes

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  • #20
    Albert Einstein
    “Never memorize something that you can look up.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: humor, science
    11415 likes

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  • #21
    Jerome K. Jerome
    “I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
    ― Jerome K. Jerome
    tags: humor, work
    8143 likes

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  • #22
    George Carlin
    “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: funny, humanity, humor
    8869 likes

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  • #23
    John Green
    “What the hell is that?" I laughed.
    "It's my fox hat."
    "Your fox hat?"
    "Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."
    "Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked.
    "Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.”
    ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
    tags: funny, humor
    6964 likes

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  • #24
    Stephen King
    “When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.”
    ― Stephen King, Storm of the Century
    tags: god, humor, religion
    7985 likes

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  • #25
    Douglas Adams
    “There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

    There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
    tags: humor
    7879 likes

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  • #26
    Mae West
    “I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”
    ― Mae West
    tags: humor, temptation
    7023 likes

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  • #27
    W.C. Fields
    “If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
    ― W.C. Fields
    7414 likes

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  • #28
    Cassandra Clare
    “That does it," said Jace. "I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year."
    "Why?" Isabelle said.
    "So you can look up 'fun.' I'm not sure you know what it means.”
    ― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
    tags: dictionary, fun, humor, isabelle-lightwood, jace-wayland
    6179 likes

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  • #29
    Mark Twain
    “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: humor, knowledge
    6889 likes

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  • #30
    Isaac Asimov
    “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.”
    ― Isaac Asimov, Foundation
    tags: humor, inspirational, philosophy, wisdom
    7760 likes



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human-nature
humor
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philosophy
science
stupidity
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humour
work
writing
exercise
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thinking
mankind
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insanity
lies
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self-indulgence
truth
fate
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god
life
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misattributed-douglas-adams
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