Big Books of 2026

adcl > adcl's Quotes

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  • #1
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
    ― Rodney Dangerfield
    tags: crime, funny, humour, neighborhoods
    3719 likes

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  • #2
    Golda Meir
    “Don't be so humble - you are not that great.”
    ― Golda Meir
    tags: funny, golda, meir, true
    3532 likes

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  • #3
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
    ― Rodney Dangerfield
    tags: funny, humour, infidelity, parenthood, parenting, sexuality
    2193 likes

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  • #4
    Billy Sunday
    “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
    ― Billy Sunday, "Billy" Sunday, the man and his message: with his own words which have won thousands for Christ
    tags: automobile, car, funny, humor, religious
    8923 likes

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  • #5
    Lemony Snicket
    “Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”
    ― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid
    tags: funny
    6421 likes

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  • #6
    Rachel Caine
    “Damn, Claire. Warn a guy before you do a face-plant on the floor next time. I could have looked all heroic and caught you or something -Shane”
    ― Rachel Caine, Glass Houses
    tags: funny, morganvillevampires
    2413 likes

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  • #7
    John Green
    “What the hell is that?" I laughed.
    "It's my fox hat."
    "Your fox hat?"
    "Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."
    "Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked.
    "Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.”
    ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
    tags: funny, humor
    6974 likes

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  • #8
    John Green
    “It's not because I want to make out with her."
    Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit”
    ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
    tags: funny
    4075 likes

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  • #9
    Rachel Caine
    “Want to play baseball?’” she asked. Shane’s eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. “What?’” “First base,’” she said. “You’re already there.’” “I’m not running the bases.’” “Well, you could at least steal second.’” “Jeez, Claire. I used to distract myself with sports stats at times like these, but now you’ve gone and ruined it.”
    ― Rachel Caine, The Dead Girls' Dance
    tags: funny, morganvillevampires, sweet
    722 likes

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  • #10
    William Shakespeare
    “Thine face is not worth sunburning.”
    ― William Shakespeare, Henry V
    288 likes

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  • #11
    Francine Pascal
    “It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it.”
    ― Francine Pascal, Fearless
    tags: bleeding, cool, ed-fargo, fearless, funny
    129 likes

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  • #12
    Cathy Guisewite
    “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”
    ― Cathy Guiswite
    tags: eyes, funny, lemons
    5195 likes

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  • #13
    Rachel Caine
    “Perv."
    He pointed to himself. "Male and eighteen. What's your point?”
    ― Rachel Caine, Midnight Alley
    tags: funny, morganvillevampires
    1996 likes

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  • #14
    Gena Showalter
    “Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.
    1. You're wearing that?
    2. Something smells funny.
    3. Where's the Tylenol?
    4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
    5. I have a confession to make…
    6. My dad has a suit just like that.
    7. That man is hot. Look at him.
    8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…
    9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
    10. You're how old?”
    ― Gena Showalter, Animal Instincts
    tags: dating, funny
    1534 likes

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  • #15
    Orson Scott Card
    “Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."
    Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"
    Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.”
    ― Orson Scott Card
    tags: advent-rising, funny, humour, stupid
    809 likes

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  • #16
    Mark Twain
    “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: classic-insult, funeral, funny, humor
    7633 likes

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  • #17
    Lauren Myracle
    “You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!”
    ― Lauren Myracle, ttfn
    tags: funny, humor, waffles
    1446 likes

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  • #18
    Robert Benchley
    “Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
    ― Robert Benchley
    tags: bleeding, funny, humor, opera, stabbed
    1989 likes

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  • #19
    Mark Jeffrey
    “. . . and together you're what, the Super Friends?”
    ― Mark Jeffrey
    tags: funny, max-quick, two-travelers
    29 likes

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  • #20
    Bill Cosby
    “A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.”
    ― Bill Cosby
    tags: funny
    2945 likes

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  • #21
    Wendy Mass
    “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"
    All the time.”
    ― Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life
    tags: flotsam, funny, humor, jeremy-fink, jetsam, keys, lizzy, wendy-mass, what-i-always-think
    2115 likes

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  • #22
    John Green
    “They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.”
    ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
    6221 likes

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  • #23
    Charlaine Harris
    “If there were an international butt competition, Eric would win, hands down—or cheeks up.”
    ― Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World
    tags: funny, sookie-eric
    1001 likes

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  • #24
    Bill Watterson
    “When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”
    ― Bill Watterson
    787 likes

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  • #25
    Rachel Vincent
    “The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery.”
    ― Rachel Vincent, Stray
    tags: funny
    567 likes

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  • #26
    Dave Barry
    “Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
    ― Dave Barry
    tags: funny, humour, jokes
    545 likes

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  • #27
    Marilyn Monroe
    “It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
    ― Marilyn Monroe
    tags: dirty, funny, logo, sex
    6872 likes

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  • #28
    Stephen Chbosky
    “On Friday night, I was reading my new book, but my brain got tired, so I decided to watch some television instead.”
    ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
    tags: friday, funny, reading, television
    244 likes

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  • #29
    George Carlin
    “That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
    ― George Carlin
    3745 likes

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  • #30
    George Carlin
    “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: funny, humanity, humor
    8868 likes



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crime
funny
humour
neighborhoods
golda
meir
true
infidelity
parenthood
parenting
sexuality
automobile
car
humor
religious
morganvillevampires
sweet
bleeding
cool
ed-fargo
fearless
eyes
lemons
dating
advent-rising
stupid
classic-insult
funeral
waffles
opera
stabbed
max-quick
two-travelers
flotsam
jeremy-fink
jetsam
keys
lizzy
wendy-mass
what-i-always-think
sookie-eric
jokes
dirty
logo
sex
friday
reading
television
humanity