Quotes - Rachel (The United States) Showing 1-24 of 24

#1

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
― Dorothy Parker

tags: god, humor, money

#2

“I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.”
― Dorothy Parker, The Collected Dorothy Parker

tags: drinking, drunken-behaviour, humor

1320 likes

#3

“Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice versa.”
― Dorothy Parker

tags: wordplay

1264 likes

#4

“You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.”
― Dorothy Parker, You Might As Well Live: The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker

tags: horticulture, puns

820 likes

#5

“If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.”
― Dorothy Parker

425 likes

#6

“I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.”
― Dorothy Parker

tags: humor

350 likes

#7

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
― Dorothy Parker

1975 likes

#8

“A hangover is the wrath of grapes.”
― Dorothy Parker

tags: humour

359 likes

#9

“There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”
― Dorothy Parker

tags: humor, the-paris-review, wisecracks, wit

373 likes

#10

“Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.”
― Dorothy Parker

tags: humor

227 likes

#11

“I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
― Dorothy Parker

282 likes

#12

“I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.”
― Dorothy Parker

172 likes

#13

“I hate writing, I love having written.”
― Dorothy Parker

tags: writing, writing-process

1545 likes

#14

“If I didn't care for fun and such,
I'd probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.”
― Dorothy Parker, Enough Rope

tags: apathy, fame, pleasure

815 likes

#15

“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”
― Dorothy Parker

tags: epitaph, humor, the-new-yorker

852 likes

#16

“Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.”
― Dorothy Parker

586 likes

#17

“If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.”
― Dorothy Parker, While Rome Burns

tags: classic-insult, harvard, humor, innuendo, naughty, yale

171 likes

#18

“[On Oscar Wilde:]

"If, with the literate, I am
Impelled to try an epigram,
I never seek to take the credit;
We all assume that Oscar said it.

[Life Magazine, June 2, 1927]”
― Dorothy Parker

tags: credit, epigrams, oscar-wilde, tribute, wit

134 likes

#19

“Authors and actors and artists and such - Never know nothing, and never know much.”
― Dorothy Parker

87 likes

#20

“Never complain, never explain.”
― Dorothy Parker

86 likes

#21

“Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.”
― Dorothy Parker, The Portable Dorothy Parker

tags: humor

216 likes

#22

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
― Emo Philips

tags: humour, religion

93 likes

#23

“I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.”
― Emo Philips

tags: brain, emo-philips, mindfulness

50 likes

#24

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”
― Emo Philips

14 likes

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