Quotes - Marlou Jager (marlouj) Showing 1-30 of 47

#1

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

tags: inspirational

7910 likes

#2

“I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.”
― Woody Allen

tags: absurd, humor, music

1020 likes

#3

“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.”
― Woody Allen

780 likes

#4

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”
― Ernest Benn

tags: misattributed-groucho-marx, politics, problems

2006 likes

#5

“Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?”
― Groucho Marx

303 likes

#6

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
― George Carlin

tags: fighting, humor, misattributed-george-carlin, peace, sex

4257 likes

#7

“Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

tags: humor

5168 likes

#8

“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
― George Carlin

3745 likes

#9

“Common sense is not so common.”
― Voltaire, A Pocket Philosophical Dictionary

tags: apothegm, common-sense

1832 likes

#10

“Doubt is an uncomfortable condition, but certainty is a ridiculous one.”
― Voltaire

tags: doubt

832 likes

#11

“Time wounds all heels.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: paraphrased

370 likes

#12

“So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.”
― George Carlin

445 likes

#13

“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward. ”
― George Carlin, George Carlin Reads to You: An Audio Collection Including Recent Grammy Winners Braindroppings and Napalm & Silly Putty

513 likes

#14

“Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. ”
― George Carlin

402 likes

#15

“When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. If you're born in America you get a front row seat.”
― George Carlin

555 likes

#16

“I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.”
― George Carlin

211 likes

#17

“I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. ”
― George Carlin

263 likes

#18

“Would a fly without wings be called a walk?”
― George Carlin

193 likes

#19

“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?”
― George Carlin

213 likes

#20

“Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. ”
― George Carlin

tags: humor

175 likes

#21

“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
― george carlin

107 likes

#22

“I think and think and think, I‘ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer

tags: happiness, thinking, wisedom

2483 likes

#23

“God created war so that Americans would learn geography.”
― Mark Twain

tags: americans, geography, war

7527 likes

#24

“If nothing matters, there's nothing to save.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer, Eating Animals

275 likes

#25

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
― George Carlin

tags: bad-girls, christmas, santa, santa-claus, sex

2356 likes

#26

“Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss.
[WHAM! CRUNCH!]
"Look, they nearly missed!"
"Yes, but not quite.”
― George Carlin

125 likes

#27

“Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.”
― George Carlin

tags: class-war, poor, rich

95 likes

#28