Quotes - Vanessa (Lowell, MA) Showing 1-30 of 50

#1

“Nobody can be bad at everything. There’s no such thing as a perfect screwup.”
― Jim Butcher, Mean Streets

tags: harry-dresden, humor

160 likes

#2

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
― Charles Bukowski

tags: humor

22512 likes

#3

“Comedy breaks down walls. It frees us for just a moment from the ugliness of this world.”
― Goldie Hawn

tags: humor

11 likes

#4

“Don't wear perfume in the garden - unless you want to be pollinated by bees! ”
― Anne Raver

tags: garden, humor

9 likes

#5

“My rapier wit hides my inner pain.”
― Cassandra Clare

tags: humor, jace-wayland, the-mortal-instruments, tmi

2778 likes

#6

“Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt

tags: humor, risque

701 likes

#7

“The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

tags: humor, scifi

23457 likes

#8

“Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

tags: geography, humor, humour

88 likes

#9

“Single guys can easily simulate some of the joys of marriage simply by installing one of those GPS devices that use a woman's voice.”
― Barry Parham, Why I Hate Straws: An offbeat worldview of an offbeat world

tags: essays, humor

4 likes

#10

“Never memorize something that you can look up.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: humor, science

11409 likes

#11

“I try to make my comments like a woman's skirt: long enough to be respectable and short enough to be interesting. ”
― Adam Clayton Powell

tags: comments, guide, how-to, humor, men, women

60 likes

#12

“You don't always have to kiss a lot of frogs to recognize a prince when you find one

-Henrietta Barett”
― Julia Quinn, Minx

tags: humor, inspirational

131 likes

#13

“My father always said that government is like watching another man piss in your boot. Someone feels better but it certainly isn't you.”
― Orson Scott Card, Heartfire

tags: fantasy, government, humor

25 likes

#14

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.”
― Dr. Seuss

tags: fantasy

36846 likes

#15

“We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.”
― Will Cuppy

tags: humor, intelligence

30 likes

#16

“The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

tags: humor, philosophy, terry-pratchett, wintersmith

482 likes

#17

“Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.”
― Zig Ziglar, Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World

tags: bathing, humor, motivation

2551 likes

#18

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.”
― Will Rogers

tags: funny, humor, mean

275 likes

#19

“Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

tags: stupid

1600 likes

#20

“Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
― Woody Allen

48 likes

#21

“I think that men ought to treat women like something other than weaker men with breasts.”
― Jim Butcher, Storm Front

tags: feminism, harry-dresden, humor

280 likes

#22

“Don't talk for five minutes, there's a good chap! I've a strange feeling come over me--almost as if I were going to think!”
― Aleister Crowley, Moonchild

tags: humor, humour

26 likes

#23

“Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.”
― Charles Schulz

tags: charlie-brown, humor, peanuts

387 likes

#24

“If you think you know everything; you know nothing. If you think you know nothing; you know something.”
― Jayce O'Neal

tags: humor, inspirational, jayce, oneal

18 likes

#25

“Nothing in the universe can travel at the speed of light, they say, forgetful of the shadow`s speed.”
― Howard Nemerov

tags: humor, science

17 likes

#26

“He who laughs last laughs the laughiest.”
― Louise Rennison , Dancing in My Nuddy-Pants

tags: humor

202 likes

#27

“If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.”
― Oscar Wilde

79 likes

#28

“I always think the best thing about high school is that it's so many years ago.”
― Kaye Morgan, Ghost Sudoku

tags: humor

9 likes

#29