Ann > Ann's Quotes

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  • #1
    Dorothy Parker
    “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: god, humor, money
    3322 likes

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  • #2
    Dorothy Parker
    “The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    1978 likes

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  • #3
    Dorothy Parker
    “By the time you swear you're his,
    Shivering and sighing.
    And he vows his passion is,
    Infinite, undying.
    Lady make note of this --
    One of you is lying.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: courtship, cynicism, love, lying, passion
    1956 likes

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  • #4
    Dorothy Parker
    “Résumé
    Razors pain you,
    Rivers are damp,
    Acids stain you,
    And drugs cause cramp.
    Guns aren't lawful,
    Nooses give,
    Gas smells awful.
    You might as well live.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, Enough Rope
    tags: dark-humor, humor, suicide
    2223 likes

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  • #5
    Dorothy Parker
    “Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: dorothy-parker, heterosexuality, homosexuality, humor, wit
    1629 likes

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  • #6
    Dorothy Parker
    “In youth, it was a way I had,
    To do my best to please.
    And change, with every passing lad
    To suit his theories.

    But now I know the things I know
    And do the things I do,
    And if you do not like me so,
    To hell, my love, with you.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker
    tags: adaptation, change, character, empowerment, love, men, nature, pleasing, self-discovery, self-esteem, self-respect, truthfulness, wisdom, women, youth
    2176 likes

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  • #7
    Dorothy Parker
    “I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: humor
    1262 likes

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  • #8
    Dorothy Parker
    “Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: disapproval, humor, wordplay
    1424 likes

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  • #9
    Dorothy Parker
    “I like to have a martini,
    Two at the very most.
    After three I'm under the table,
    after four I'm under my host.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Collected Dorothy Parker
    tags: drinking, drunken-behaviour, humor
    1314 likes

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  • #10
    Dorothy Parker
    “Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice versa.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: wordplay
    1260 likes

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  • #11
    Dorothy Parker
    “Inventory:

    "Four be the things I am wiser to know:
    Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
    Four be the things I'd been better without:
    Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
    Three be the things I shall never attain:
    Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
    Three be the things I shall have till I die:
    Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker
    tags: champagne, contentment, curiosity, doubt, envy, foes, friends, hope, idleness, inventory, knowledge, laughter, life, love, sorrow, sufficienty, superfluity, unattainable, values, wisdom
    1174 likes

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  • #12
    Dorothy Parker
    “You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, You Might As Well Live: The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker
    tags: horticulture, puns
    817 likes

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  • #13
    Dorothy Parker
    “That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, While Rome Burns
    624 likes

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  • #14
    Dorothy Parker
    “If wild my breast and sore my pride,
    I bask in dreams of suicide,
    If cool my heart and high my head
    I think 'How lucky are the dead.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker
    tags: suicide
    606 likes

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  • #15
    Dorothy Parker
    “Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    376 likes

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  • #16
    Dorothy Parker
    “I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, Here Lies: The Collected Stories of Dorothy Parker
    361 likes

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  • #17
    Dorothy Parker
    “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: empty-nest, humor, motherhood, parenthood, parenting
    401 likes

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  • #18
    Dorothy Parker
    “There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: humor, the-paris-review, wisecracks, wit
    373 likes

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  • #19
    If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor
    “If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: achievement, authors, elements-of-style, favors, grammar, happiness, writing, writing-process
    528 likes

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  • #20
    Dorothy Parker
    “It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, You Might As Well Live: The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker
    tags: abortion, inspirational
    379 likes

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  • #21
    Dorothy Parker
    “Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
    Love, the reeling midnight through,
    For tomorrow we shall die!
    (But, alas, we never do.)”
    ― Dorothy Parker, Death and Taxes
    tags: the-flaw-in-paganism
    322 likes

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  • #22
    Dorothy Parker
    “A hangover is the wrath of grapes.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: humour
    358 likes

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  • #23
    Dorothy Parker
    “So, you're the man who can't spell 'fuck.'"
    Dorothy Parker to Norman Mailer after publishers had convinced Mailer to replace the word with a euphemism, 'fug,' in his 1948 book, "The Naked and the Dead.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: bad-reviews
    267 likes

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  • #24
    Dorothy Parker
    “Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: humor
    228 likes

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  • #25
    Dorothy Parker
    “I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    282 likes

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  • #26
    Dorothy Parker
    “Women and elephants never forget.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    246 likes

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  • #27
    Dorothy Parker
    “Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded
    wheelchair.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: health, money
    258 likes

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  • #28
    Dorothy Parker
    “A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    226 likes

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  • #29
    Dorothy Parker
    “If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, While Rome Burns
    tags: classic-insult, harvard, humor, innuendo, naughty, yale
    171 likes

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  • #30
    Dorothy Parker
    “You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Algonquin Wits
    tags: attributed-no-source
    183 likes



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god
humor
money
courtship
cynicism
love
lying
passion
dark-humor
suicide
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heterosexuality
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men
nature
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