J Dubs > J's Quotes

“To be is to do - Socrates

To do is to be - Sartre

Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“No good at life, but very funny sometimes with the commentary.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“It is not the size of the dog in the fight that counts, but the fight in the dog that wins.”
― Arthur G. Lewis, Stub Ends of Thought and Verse

“When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.”
― Mark Twain

“I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.”
― Oscar Wilde

“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”
― Mark Twain

“I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”
― Oscar Wilde

“Sarcasm and compassion are two of the qualities that make life on Earth tolerable.”
― Nick Hornby, Songbook

“My life is dope and I do dope shit.”
― Kanye West

“Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.”
― Woody Allen, Standup Comic

“The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.”
― Woody Allen

“If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively.”
― Mel Brooks

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
― Mark Twain

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“You're so heavenly minded, you're no earthly good.”
― Johnny Cash

“To claim that music is more important than oxygen would be trite and sentimental. It would also be true.”
― Roddy Doyle, Cigar Box Banjo: Notes on Music and Life

“If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:
THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED
FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD
WAS MUSIC”
― kurt vonnegut

“Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.”
― Woody Allen

“Everything I'm not makes me everything I am”
― Kanye West

“Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.”
― Woody Allen

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”
― Mel Brooks

“As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.”
― Mel Brooks

“I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.”
― Mel Brooks

“When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“Here is a lesson in creative writing.

First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.

And I realize some of you may be having trouble deciding whether I am kidding or not. So from now on I will tell you when I'm kidding.

For instance, join the National Guard or the Marines and teach democracy. I'm kidding.

We are about to be attacked by Al Qaeda. Wave flags if you have them. That always seems to scare them away. I'm kidding.

If you want to really hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country

“She was a dull person, but a sensational invitation to make babies.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

“All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates.”
― Woody Allen

“If your brains were dynamite there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake