2026 Reading Challenge

Kalie > Kalie's Quotes

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  • #1
    Dorothy Parker
    “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: god, humor, money
    3321 likes

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  • #2
    Dorothy Parker
    “The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    1980 likes

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  • #3
    “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”
    ― Sid Ziff
    tags: bad-reviews, book, humorist, misattributed-dorothy-parker, wit
    1614 likes

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  • #4
    Dorothy Parker
    “By the time you swear you're his,
    Shivering and sighing.
    And he vows his passion is,
    Infinite, undying.
    Lady make note of this --
    One of you is lying.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: courtship, cynicism, love, lying, passion
    1954 likes

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  • #5
    Dorothy Parker
    “Résumé
    Razors pain you,
    Rivers are damp,
    Acids stain you,
    And drugs cause cramp.
    Guns aren't lawful,
    Nooses give,
    Gas smells awful.
    You might as well live.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, Enough Rope
    tags: dark-humor, humor, suicide
    2225 likes

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  • #6
    Dorothy Parker
    “In youth, it was a way I had,
    To do my best to please.
    And change, with every passing lad
    To suit his theories.

    But now I know the things I know
    And do the things I do,
    And if you do not like me so,
    To hell, my love, with you.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker
    tags: adaptation, change, character, empowerment, love, men, nature, pleasing, self-discovery, self-esteem, self-respect, truthfulness, wisdom, women, youth
    2173 likes

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  • #7
    Dorothy Parker
    “Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: dorothy-parker, heterosexuality, homosexuality, humor, wit
    1629 likes

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  • #8
    Dorothy Parker
    “I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: humor
    1262 likes

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  • #9
    Dorothy Parker
    “Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: disapproval, humor, wordplay
    1425 likes

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  • #10
    Dorothy Parker
    “I hate writing, I love having written.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: writing, writing-process
    1541 likes

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  • #11
    Dorothy Parker
    “I like to have a martini,
    Two at the very most.
    After three I'm under the table,
    after four I'm under my host.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Collected Dorothy Parker
    tags: drinking, drunken-behaviour, humor
    1310 likes

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  • #12
    Dorothy Parker
    “Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice versa.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: wordplay
    1258 likes

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  • #13
    Dorothy Parker
    “That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: epitaph, humor, the-new-yorker
    850 likes

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  • #14
    Dorothy Parker
    “This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it."

    [Women Know Everything!]”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: bad-reviews, fancy, raisins, terrible, wordplay
    744 likes

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  • #15
    Dorothy Parker
    “I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: humor, men, romance
    632 likes

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  • #16
    Dorothy Parker
    “She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    604 likes

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  • #17
    Dorothy Parker
    “Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    586 likes

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  • #18
    Dorothy Parker
    “That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, While Rome Burns
    625 likes

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  • #19
    Dorothy Parker
    “And if my heart be scarred and burned,
    The safer, I, for all I learned.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, Sunset Gun: Poems
    617 likes

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  • #20
    Dorothy Parker
    “I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Portable Dorothy Parker
    tags: calling, love, men, relationships
    569 likes

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  • #21
    Dorothy Parker
    “Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: friendship
    529 likes

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  • #22
    Dorothy Parker
    “Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    441 likes

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  • #23
    Dorothy Parker
    “If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    424 likes

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  • #24
    Dorothy Parker
    “Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    376 likes

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  • #25
    Dorothy Parker
    “I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, Here Lies: The Collected Stories of Dorothy Parker
    360 likes

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  • #26
    If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor
    “If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: achievement, authors, elements-of-style, favors, grammar, happiness, writing, writing-process
    529 likes

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  • #27
    Dorothy Parker
    “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: empty-nest, humor, motherhood, parenthood, parenting
    401 likes

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  • #28
    Dorothy Parker
    “There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: humor, the-paris-review, wisecracks, wit
    374 likes

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  • #29
    Dorothy Parker
    “It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, You Might As Well Live: The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker
    tags: abortion, inspirational
    379 likes

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  • #30
    Dorothy Parker
    “I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: humor
    351 likes



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god
humor
money
bad-reviews
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humorist
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lying
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dark-humor
suicide
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