Dona Feaster > Dona's Quotes

“Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.”
― Steve Martin

“Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”
― Steve Martin

“We've had some fun tonight...considering we're all gonna die someday.”
― Steve Martin

“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”
― Steve Martin

“I gave my cat a bath the other day...they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that...”
― Steve Martin

“The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.”
― steve martin

“I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.”
― Steve Martin

“It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.”
― Steve Martin

“The operation was a success, but I'm afraid the doctor is dead.”
― Steve Martin

“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.”
― Steve Martin

“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.”
― Steve Martin

“I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.”
― Steve Martin, Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life

“Somewhere in the world is...The world's worst doctor and he could be yours.”
― Steve Martin

“How many people have never raised their hand before?”
― Steve Martin, Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life

“Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up.”
― Steve Martin, The Pleasure of My Company

“His view of the world is one that keeps his blood pressure low, sweeping the cholesterol from his relaxed, freeway-sized arteries. Everyone knows he is going to live till age ninety, although the question that goes begging is, “for what?”
― Steve Martin, Shopgirl

“...the divided world of Aspen, where locals with a sense of entitlement were pitted against developers with a sense of condominiums.”
― Steve Martin

“Let's suppose that you want to say, "I am a jerk." IN the 18th century, you would have to go around person to person and utter the phrase individually to each one of them. However, here in the third millennium, with our advances in telephone communication, it is possible to say "I am a jerk" to a thousand people at a time by forgetting to turn off your cell phone and having it ring during a performance of Death of a Salesman.”
― Steve Martin

“The conversation at dinner hadn't been successful either; it bore the marks of an old married couple who had very little left to say to each other.”
― Steve Martin, Shopgirl

“If you're studying geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.”
― Steve Martin