Clarissa > Clarissa's Quotes

“It is hard to beat someone who never gives up.”
― Babe Ruth

“Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. ”
― David Letterman

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.”
― Steve Jobs

“I think the best time to stare off into space is when you’re going 65 on a motorcycle, provided you’re wearing your astronaut’s helmet.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.”
― St. Augustine

“Not all those who wander are lost.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

“No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they're pretty, even if they aren't.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“The most mortifying fact of my life is something that happened when I was fourteen and I have never admitted to anyone: not to friends nor therapists; not even in rehab when we were detailing our own personal spirals of shame did I confess. It is this: I am a graduate of the Barbizon School of Modeling.”
― Augusten Burroughs, Magical Thinking: True Stories

“I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”
― Augusten Burroughs, Magical Thinking: True Stories

“Then he explains Chinese food in Manhattan to me: 'See the way it works is, there's one central location out on Long Island where all this stuff is made. Then it's piped into the city through a series of underground pipes that run parallel to the train and subway tracks. The restaurants then just pull a lever. One lever for General Tso's chicken, another for beef with broccoli sauce. It's like beer; it's on tap.' It's amazing how convincing he is when he says this. There's no pause in his description, nowhere for him to stop and think, to make this up as he goes along. It's as though he's simply repeating something he read in the Times yesterday. This makes me love him more than I did just five minutes ago.”
― Augusten Burroughs, Magical Thinking: True Stories

“One thing was certain: I would be in their Tang commercial. And if any of the other children tried to get in the way, I would use my pencil to blind them”
― Augusten Burroughs, Magical Thinking: True Stories

“After a horribly long day, I needed a mental break. I threw on my parka, with the raccoon fur around the hood, and I went to see a movie. But what to see? Something sweet and stupid and harmless. At the movie theater on Second Avenue and Twelfth, a title caught my eye. I thought, 'That seems good. Jodie Foster and a puffy, friendly farm animal, a butterfly.' I unzipped my jacket and headed inside to see a movie I'd heard the name of but knew nothing about. It was called Silence Of The Lambs.”
― Augusten Burroughs, Magical Thinking: True Stories

“Love is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose.”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

“Stephanie took another puff from her candy cigarette, reached into her purse, brought out the rest of the pack, and said, "Want one of these damned cigarettes?”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“I could just hear my mom now, "You know those old candy cigarettes are bad for you. Next thing you know, you'll be drinking alcohol, and they'll find you dead in a ditch somewhere. I'll never be able to show my face in this town again.”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“It's a wonder Hell don't open up and swallow her as the highlight of the service.”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“In those days, at least in my small town, parents didn't seem to worry so much about what their kids were doing as long as they made it home in time for dinner.”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“Like a car that's old enough to be old but not old enough to be a classic, it would be years before people would again appreciate the old town square.”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“Some of the more superstitious townsfolk even believed she was a witch. The fact that she had four dead husbands lined up in a neat row at the local Promise Land Cemetery was not an argument in her defense.”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“There aren't many kids today as good as you are. Kids today are selfish; they don't think of others. They're too busy listening to devil music on their eight-track players to think of anyone else.”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. I think I would have more fun chopping thistles with a butter knife.”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“I guess I'm supposed to sit here in this oven like it's 1950, hoping I don't go to hell for stealing a church fan.”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“Ain't no decent woman ever had that many husbands to die from natural causes.”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“I wanted to go in and tell them that, but George thought it would just be stirring up some trouble, you know, stirring up the cow pile. A cow pile may looked dried up, but if you stir it up, it can start to stink again.”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“Anyway," continued Mr. Miller, "when I was a kid, people used to sit under the stars at night and look up into the sky and talk about things. They got to know each other. People Today is too busy staring at the television, what I call the idiot box, to talk about anything. That's why there are so many divorces these days. People don't talk”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“I want you to learn that if you don't keep picking at old wounds, over time they will eventually heal. Oh sure, sometimes they will leave a nasty, jagged scar, but at least it won't hurt like it did anymore, and if you don't look at it, sometimes you can almost forget it's there.”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint

“Sometimes you may think you're doing the right thing, but it turns out to be the wrong thing. And you just have to live with it. If I'd known what I know now when I was young, I could have done a lot more right, but I didn't. That's the way life is: you figure it out right before you die.”
― K. Martin Beckner, Chips of Red Paint