amy > amy's Quotes

“I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.”
― George Carlin

“Everyone smiles in the same language.”
― George Carlin

“People can't seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. Ever. There is only a short pause before the next "horrifying" event. People forget there is such a thing as memory, and that when a wound "heals" it leaves a permanent scar that never goes away, but merely fades a little. What really ought to be said after one of these so-called tragedies is, "Let the scarring begin.”
― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.”
― George Carlin

“But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the whole being for the moment. No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open, completely themselves when that message hits the brain and the laugh begins. That's when new ideas can be implanted. If a new idea slips in at that moment, it has a chance to grow.”
― George Carlin, Last Words

“I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. ”
― George Carlin

“Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. ”
― George Carlin

“Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.”
― George Carlin

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”
― George Carlin

“People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. 'Cause pretty soon they have little hats. And armbands. And fight songs. And a list of people they're going to visit at 3am. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking.”
― George Carlin

“Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.”
― George Carlin

“Think off center.”
― George Carlin

“The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it, because you've lost your identity, because you now owe your allegiance to this thing that's bigger than you are and that controls you.”
― George Carlin, Last Words

“Life is tough, then you die.”
― George Carlin

“The older you get, the better you realize you were.”
― George Carlin

“I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.”
― George Carlin, Napalm & Silly Putty

“You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people... I do... I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get past around a minute, minute-and-a-half, I gotta get the f*** outta there.”
― George Carlin, It's Bad for Ya